Showing posts with label Teaching our Children Diligently. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Teaching our Children Diligently. Show all posts

Early "Homeschooling": Infancy to Toddlerhood

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(This is a repost from several years ago.  I hope it will help those of you who are new moms, have preschoolers, or are considering how to begin homeschooling.  ~Jess)




Early Homeschooling: Infancy to Toddlerhood

A young mom recently wrote in with a question:
Q: I noticed that you homeschool, and wondered what you did with your children before they were old enough to begin traditional a traditional curriculum. I am a new mom to a sweet, beautiful 5.5 month old girl, and am wondering what I can be doing now to prepare her for home-school. I have checked out a few books onbaby games and infant development from our local library, but wondered if you had any suggestions or resources that you used.

Here is my answer to her (and to anyone else who's interested):


A: Congratulations on your daughter. What a sweet gift.

As far as what to do with infants... read together, crawl together, interact! No TV, except for rare, careful occasions, if you must. Snuggle, talk, giggle, tickle. Talk to her in an adult voice unless you're just playing a game. Don't babytalk; use normal words. As she gets older (closer towards 2), you can play drama/expression games...
"make a sad face, now an excited face, now let's pretend to be surprised, now happy, etc." And, "let's talk like cowboys, like giants, like little babies, like ladies, in a whisper, in loud voices", etc. Tell lots of Bible stories and act them out as she gets older. Teach simple Bible verses ("children, obey your parents", "When I am afraid, I will trust in You.", "trust in the Lord with all your heart", "the Lord is our Shepherd"), and talk about what they mean and how they apply in day-to-day life (at night when we're scared, when we don't want to obey, when we need to be cared for, etc.).

As they get older, teach them to make circles and lines. Put out small toys for them to draw like a still life artist would do. Talk about numbers, sing the ABC song, count lots and lots, name colors as you see them "The green trees, that red truck, your yellow shirt, my purple socks," etc. Do puzzles together and talk about how and why certain pieces fit together and others don't. Let her sit up next to you and "read" for 30 minutes or more. Let her see that books are important in YOUR life. Let her sit up next to you as you read the Bible (she can "read" hers too... simply Bible story books, etc.), so that she sees YOUR dependence on the Word.

Teach things like height, weight, and volume in terms of real-world objects (height: trees, buildings, cars, people, babies, flowers; weight: penny, book, cat, full laundry basket, daddy, car; volume:medicine dropper, cup, trash can, tanker truck, swimming pool, etc.). Around 3 or 4, she'll be interested in writing her name. So teach her how. Teach her the sounds that the letters make (rather than only calling it an "p", make the sound it makes-- "puh" so she hears the sound too... this will help later with reading. Side note-- emphasize the consonant sound-- and minimize any vowel sound you use... like above, instead of PUUUUUH, keep it short: Puh.).

Let her stack bowls/cups on the floor of the kitchen while you throw dinner together. Let her join you in cooking as she is able... counting "cups"... showing what "half" means, etc. When putting on shoes, talk about pairs, and how a pair means two, "see? one, two shoes. That makes one pair." You can use hands and feet to introduce the concept of counting in fives. Talk about money and debt in terms of the grocery store bill, or as you fill up your gas tank. Use the real world to teach her as much as possible.

These sorts of things are the best ways to "homeschool" from the very beginning. I highly recommend a book called "Home GrownKids" that talks about this very thing in much greater detail... it's written by Raymond & Dorothy Moore, some of the early proponents (in this generation) for homeschooling.

Many blessings-- what a neat time you are in-- enjoy every day and make sweet memories with your daughter!

 

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Homeschooling, Convictions, and the Christian Welcome

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Have you ever been in a home where you felt truly welcomed?  Maybe it was the way you were received into a home, or perhaps a friend did something that made you feel fully accepted and treasured-- welcomed.

Have you ever experienced the opposite?  Maybe it was a group of kids in school who made you feel left out, or a group of adults at work or church who already had their 'clique' and didn't seem to want to have anything to do with you, or a party where you felt like you never really connected with anyone in particular-- unwelcomed.

I'd like to explore the idea of the Christian "welcome" that should exist within the Body of Christ, even while we hold varying personal convictions.  Specifically, I'd like to talk about the sense of unwelcome that is communicated when (at least on the internet) every stance, every conviction, every choice a couple makes is held up as an all-or-nothing proposition, particularly within the Christian homeschool community. 

HOMESCHOOLING & CONVICTIONS
Friends of mine have shared that it can be difficult if you're a homeschool parent of an only child, or even of 2 or 3, when curriculum covers continually feature families of 9 or more, all dressed in denim, period dresses, or plaid.  Intentionally or unintentionally, it projects the message that smaller family units are not valued or welcomed within that circle.  

It also, speaking frankly, projects the message that homeschoolers are some strange breed of humanity, and draws unnecessary and extrabiblical distinctions between us and the world around us, when there are plenty of biblical distinctions that could and should be a better focus of our time and attention.

Even more insidious is the idea that unless we all hold identical convictions on everything, we can not (and should not) be in fellowship.  That standard could be one's political views, stance on contraceptives, headcoverings, skirts, or what educational choices are made by adult children.  Sometimes it is all of these.  

For pete's sake, there are Christian homeschool organizations that have stances on men's facial hair!  It has gone too far, and intruded too deeply into areas where God is fully capable of speaking and leading in the life of a family.  

HOMESCHOOLING = HOLINESS?
Recently, Tim Challies has written about homeschooling, and -I'll admit- I have disagreed with some of what he said, and more generally objected to the approach he uses when he talks about homeschooling, which to me has come off almost like a bitter teacher who wants to "teach a lesson" to the kid he never liked.  However, regardless of my take on his attitude, I think there is one larger point interwoven in his articles worth considering: homeschoolers have too often projected an image that we think that this one educational decision-- homeschooling-- is a holier decision, or that it will somehow save our children from the resident sin within.  

Part of that may be that any significant decision one makes that intentionally takes a minority position seems to cast rejection and judgment toward the majority view, but part of it is that the homeschooling community (writ large) has repeatedly, methodically, sometimes unintentionally, but sometimes intentionally, projected that sense of judgment and disdain toward other choices over the last few decades.  I am not suggesting that I agree that this is a motivation of why people choose to homeschool.    What I'm suggesting is that we need to be aware of this ability to easily come off as "holier than thou", and write and speak about homeschooling more carefully.

UNITY IN CHRIST
As I write here, I want to be careful to cling to what is good and delight in the beauty of the Bride of Christ.  For my part, I want to earnestly seek unity within the Body of Christ, not based on externals, but based on faith in the grace of Jesus Christ as the sole means of my justification.  Whether my daughter, or yours, wears pants or goes to college is not a salvation issue.  Whether or not a family uses contraceptives or not should not be a fellowship issue.  Honestly, while these issues are sometimes discussed among friends, I do not hear them spoken of in real life to the degree or frequency as I see on the internet.  

And schooling decisions are different the world over.  The importance we place on the issue of homeschooling is laughable in a place where the church is being persecuted and can not even meet publicly as believers- places like China, Tajikistan, or Iran.   

While I've worked through some of these issues in my writings here at Making Home, I am writing these things here today, because I do not ever want to be a part of projecting an image that says "if you'll just clean yourself up, or do these things, or hold identical convictions to mine, THEN you will be acceptable to God, and to me as a fellow believer."  Our salvation is granted by Christ's blood-- completely, 100%.  There is nothing we, or our children, can do to merit it.  I never want to even hint otherwise.

RANKING CONVICTIONS
At the same time, I know that when we come to personal convictions, we hold them dearly.  We see how God has led us to certain "a-ha" moments in life, and we treasure that leading of God's Spirit.  And that is right and good, that we value the things God has taught us.  And I know that where there is conviction, that issue is often raised to the level of sin in our own estimation, as we are commanded in Scripture to only do those things that we can do in faith.  Even while I sit here and write this, I know that there are convictions I have that I would rank more significantly than you might rank those same convictions in your own life, and vice-versa.  

WELCOME
But my point is that we have to speak and write about these things with balance and with grace.  If our arms and lives and mouths are so full carrying around these personal convictions, how can we truly open up our arms and offer welcome towards those God has put in our path whose non-salvation-oriented convictions differ from our own?

So for me, the issue becomes this: How can we hold our personal convictions securely, and yet gladly be a part of a more diverse Body of Christ?

And I think Romans 15 says some wonderful things on such a point: 
"Let each of us please his neighbor for his good, to build him up.  For Christ did not please himself... may the God of endurance and encouragement grant you to live in such harmony with one another, in accord with Christ Jesus, that together you may with one voice glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.  Therefore welcome one another as Christ has welcomed you, for the glory of God."  

I want to think on these ideas more--
(1) please our neighbor for HIS good, to build him up
(2) rely on the God of endurance and encouragement to live in harmony
(3) seek to live in harmony with others so that, together, we can glorify God
(4) welcome others, for God's glory


But for now, thoughts?  Comments?  Christian sister, I would love to hear your reaction to these scattered thoughts I've shared.  




 

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7 Quick Takes Friday - #23

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I love this weekly time to get random thoughts and pictures. I think today will be primarily quote and links I like--
  1. Moms of kids ages 3-8, do you know about Starfall.com? I used this website with Ethan, back when he was learning letters, etc., and then it fell by the wayside. Someone recommended it again recently, and so I opened it back up and both my 7 year old and 5 year old are enjoying it immensely! For everything from early letter sounds to nearly-ready-for-chapter-books, it's a great tool for motivating your young learners, reinforcing phonics skills, and advancing in reading ability.

  2. Interesting thoughts from Sheila @ To Love, Honor & Vacuum: "Sometimes when we think about all this "modesty" stuff, I think we do it without male input. We say we're trying to protect men by not being tempting, but I wonder how many of the wives have ever asked their husbands honestly if they like the "sack" look, or if they would prefer that their wives be a little more attractive? I think many women get caught up in this "modesty" movement online, and in their little cliques, and they barge right ahead without asking the guys."

    There's a good discussion in the comments, too. Read more of Sheila's article: "Modesty Should Not Mean Dowdy".

  3. "If the US Government was a family, they would be making $58,000 a year, they spend $75,000 a year, & have $327,000 in credit card debt. They are currently proposing BIG spending cuts to reduce their spending to $72,000 a year. These are the actual proportions of the federal budget & debt, reduced to a level that we can understand." ~Dave Ramsey (Yikes!)

  4. Check out this list: 25 Ways to Provoke Our Children to Anger-- the most convicting for me was "Scolding". I have a tendency to get frustrated and want to lecture. I need to keep that in check. Sometimes a discussion is in order, but sometimes I just need to quickly correct, then forgive and move on.

  5. In evangelical circles, we don't use or hear the concept/term "spiritual director", but Jennifer's post about 6 basic questions her spiritual director often asks is very helpful. The more I'm reading and learning about personal "soul care", the more I believe that questions like these are critical for self-evaluation and truly meeting our own needs so that we're able to serve others gladly.

  6. On that same note, Catherine had a pithy post highlighting the idea we get from our culture that encourages us to believe that we are only "being ourselves" when we are doing things that are fun or relaxing. Sometimes "being yourself" means doing the really hard things, making the truly difficult sacrifice, or flat out not having fun. Really, it's short-- you should read it.

  7. I just started a counseling class this week, and am enjoying the way it's complementing the things I've been learning and reading lately. I'm excited to consider how God might be asking me to change and grow in this next season of life.

 

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Deciding to Stay Home, Part Three

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If you're just starting to read here, you'll want to read Part One and Part Two. This is Part Three of the story of how I decided to stay home with our children; I don't know how many parts there will be- maybe four? five?. It seems to grow longer with each detail I recall... but I'm trying to give enough context to help share about our lives, so that it's not some one-dimensional "life", but the real picture of how things were for us, then.


So, now we're up to Spring 2002. We lived in Washington, D.C. We had our jobs (both great), we had our plans (me continue working), and I was about halfway into my second trimester.

Living the Big Time
I remember one day, the President of Mexico and the Governor of Texas (my boss, at that time) were invited to the White House for a consultation with President Bush about border and trade issues. My boss came in with a smile a few days prior, and said he had 5 invitations to the South lawn of the White House, and would I like to go? So, that day, I stood beside the bandstand, pregnant, grinning, on my feet the whole time. Peering over the crowds, I saw President Bush, Condoleeza Rice, Colin Powell, Vice President Cheney, and President Vincente Fox, among others. It seemed that nothing could top this!

Growing Belly
Each day, on my way to and from work, while sitting down on the metro ride into work (because I was showing, someone would almost always offer me their seat), I would crochet one square for the baby blanket I was making.
Doug and I would talk about anything and everything while I stared and worked at my little pastel squares. We didn't find out if it was a boy or girl (it was a boy, Ethan, to the right), so I'd chosen neutral colors. As time progressed, I could sometimes manage one square going, and one square coming back home. I had to complete something like 100 squares, I think.

Doug still gets tickled when he remembers watching me pregnant-waddle my way down the sidewalk to work. After the metro ride in, we'd walk together to a certain corner where we had to split up to get to our work places. I always thought we both just kept walking after that initial goodbye. At one point, he told me he often stopped to watch me walk... not crossing the street right away, but just watching me pregnant-waddle on down the sidewalk. He says it with such affection and adoration that I could never get frustrated about the fact that he used the word "waddle". :)

Making Plans
Like I said, we had made our plans. Doug was applying to grad schools; I was banking up time to take once I had the baby.

Working for the State of Texas gave me fairly good benefits... I had up to twelve weeks off, much of that with pay because I'd saved up my time off. Our plans were logical, and even the timing was good. I had responsibilities tied to the legislative sessions in both TX and DC, and linked to the calendar year (lots of end-of-the-year reporting from Nov-Dec, and year-in-review stuff at the beginning of each year as well) . So I had a heavier work load from October to May... but our baby was due in late June, so my maternity leave would come at a perfect time.

We knew that initially, Doug would be able to stay with the baby, but if he got accepted into graduate school, we'd have to find a day care or work out some kind of childcare/nanny situation.

Reality Hits
And then, one day, while Doug & I were talking, it just came out-- suddenly-- surprising us both with the force with which I felt it. Basically:
"I can't keep working! I don't want to miss our baby's first steps... have him or her smile and do cute things at someone else all day long while I have a one-dimensional picture on my desk... have his or her cries go unanswered or artificially pacified... I don't want someone else to know my baby the way I'm meant to.
Twelve weeks off can't possibly be enough time! I'm the one who should be there... snuggling, reading to him or her, telling them "night-night", the first face they see when they wake up from a nap, able to pick them up when they cry, give them my affection, and pass on our values... I don't want to miss these things! God made mothers to be there with and for their children. I can't keep working, Doug."
And God bless him, he listened. I know some husbands don't. I know some people (men and women alike) pass these sorts of feelings off as emotional, prenatal, post-natal, hormonal, or what not. Maybe you think that of me... and that's fine, I don't care. The thing I love is that he listened.

His response to me? "Okay. We'll make that happen."

Thank God for that response, and for this man! Our whole family is the better for the way Doug listened to my heart as a woman, as a mother, and as his wife, and the way, from that moment on, he led our family into (what was then) the unknown.



(Click to read: PART FOUR, PART FIVE.)

 

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Mommy Guilt?

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[Note: the pics in this article don't go with it, and they're not even altogether recent. Sorry about that. I'm browsing pics in iPhoto from the last 9 months, and just thought I'd share some that caught my eye.]

I've seen a heap of articles that tackle or reference "mommy guilt" as a natural part of motherhood. Maybe I'm weird, but I don't live with guilt as a mom, on an ongoing basis. I really don't.


Oh, of course as a sinful person, I feel guilt that I am not some sort of "perfect" mom... but the sense I get from these articles is that there's something more at work here. Of course there are regrets about my failures as a wife & mom... every human being deals with those. I wish I could say my kids didn't know what it sounds like for mom to yell. I wish I could say I'd only, ever, been kind in my responses to them. But they, like every other human who has ever lived, have a sinful, human mom. And I just trust that God will use that in their lives for their good (and I also submit myself to God for His continuing work in my life).

But again, I often get the sense from articles and news pieces that moms feel or should feel a lot of guilt over the various choices we make as moms... or that it's normal for moms to feel and live with guilt.


*EXAMINE* YOUR GUILT
The reason I'm writing is just to say, if that's you, and you feel guilt, I'd encourage you to hold that guilt up to the light. Examine it in the full light of Scripture, and in the full view of your husband, and yourself, and the aims you have for your family.

HELPFUL GUILT?
Not all guilt is bad... for example:
  • If I'm feeding my kids junk food too often, and feeling guilt because they're sick and cranky and having bathroom issues, then that might be a helpful guilt to jar me into reality.
  • If I'm feeling guilty because I've been dealing with my children in a way that is angry, belittling, or hurtful to them, then that is a good guilt, to motivate me to stop it and treat them with love & kindness, even while disciplining.
  • If I've put my children in daycare, the guilt I feel as I walk away might be prodding me to consider that perhaps my actions don't match up with our aims as a family.
  • If I want to throw in the towel while breastfeeding because mastitis hurts so dadgum bad, or because I'm just tired in the throes of early weeks with a newborn, the perceived guilt may help me to press on through an undoubtedly hard season.
  • If I'm feeling frustrated with my weight even while I reach for the extra dessert or sip on my calorie-loaded drink all day long, then my guilt ought to compel me to change my behavior!

UNHELPFUL GUILT
But if it's a guilt over something that can't/shouldn't be undone, like:
  • not having enough money to buy certain things your child wants
  • not being able to spend all your day focusing on your firstborn now that you've had a second baby
  • not being able to keep house like that mom whose kids are grown
  • not being able to afford the beautifully-decorated suburban dream home like other people your age seem to be able to do
  • not looking like ______ family that you see pictures of on a blog or Facebook page
  • not being able to ____(use cloth diapers, breastfeed for "x" length of time, afford toddler gymnastic classes, cook with only organic ingredients, etc.)____ that all the other young moms are talking about
  • (or heck, sometimes even not being able to get a shower whilst caring for little ones!!!)

Well, I think those guilty feelings can be laid aside. Let them roll right off your back, and banish their return. Don't fret if you don't do everything someone else deems important!

We will each stand before God and account for what we've done with the treasures He's given us... so get in the Word, and get with your husband, and determine what your family values are. And then live in line with those things. And once you've examined it, either let your guilt shape the choices you make, or if it's the unhelpful kind, toss it out! Do away with Mommy guilt and live in the light.

 

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7 Quick Takes Friday - #11

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Here are my "7 Quick Takes" for this week--
  1. The difference between the sexes, summed up this week, after watching the cartoon version of "Robin Hood":
    Maranatha (our 4yo daughter), in a dreamy voice: "I love the part where they get maaaarrrried. That's my favorite paaaart."
    Baxter (our 6yo son): "I like the part where they dodge all the arrows!"
    Sounds like what adult men & women like about movies, too! :)
    (I kept trying to take a picture of all 5 kids, and he kept crawling ahead of the group... pretty determined little guy!)

  2. This motherhood gig passes so quickly. I'm so glad I listened to the people who told me that. My first baby, so beautiful, so chunky, so intuitive and interactive... he'll be 9 this year. Halfway to what our society marks off as "manhood". It seems like just yesterday I was cracking up at him jamming on his baby xylophone like Chris Martin with his piano, or watering plants with him in our yard in Texas. I'm so thankful that we still get to spend our days learning together, laughing together, and listening to Coldplay. While I'm glad to be able to teach him things and help shape his character, I'm so thankful to God that he uses this son of mine to is teach me things, and shape my character.

    Along those lines, I've just started reading "Sacred Parenting", and I love it already. In it, Thomas (the author) goes into how parenting changes us... and it's just so true. What a crucible for the soul is this work of motherhood.

  3. I've been hearing a bit about this this week: Should homeschoolers get a tax break? This is not a tax break I'm interested in receiving. I'm thankful to be free each year to make educational choices for our family as we see fit. Rather than reinventing the wheel, I'll just link to Spunky. She sums up my concerns quite well.

  4. Ever visited my cooking blog? It's not filled with great photography, hilarity-written-right-into-the-recipes, or anything outwardly special... but I'm about to start methodically filling it with my favorite go-to recipes. In the past, I've posted a couple dozen of our favorites, but with our upcoming visit to the States later this year, I'm going to put all of our family's favorite recipes in one place, so that I don't have to take up luggage space with the cookbooks and recipes we use all the time. To be honest, more than putting you on notice, I'm giving myself some accountability to go ahead and get this show on the road. :)

  5. It's about mid-month... and so far, I'm keeping up with all of my five-a-month goals for January. Except, being that we're halfway through, I should've already visited one of my neighbors, and I haven't. But I've listened to or read scripture every day, I'm faithfully living out the No-S Diet, and I'm a good way into a pattern-making book. We were actually going to visit an art exhibit this morning, but one of the kids (not the little goofball pictured below) threw up last night, and we didn't want to risk getting vomit on a Diego Rivera. I think they frown on that sort of thing.
    What about you? If you posted January goals, are you keeping up with them? If you didn't join us this month, will you consider it for February? I'm finding that it's a good way to keep myself focused on a few key areas.

  6. My "newborn" is 6-months old now. Isn't that wild? How can he be that old? When he nurses, his feet hang over far past the other side of my body... he is crawling everywhere, into everything, even pulling up and walking alongside furniture (huh?). When he finds my husband or I, he grins and sometimes laughs really hard, like he really did something amazing. And really, he did! He still hasn't fully learned that if you pull on the speaker cord from the back, it will fall on your head (no worries! It's a small speaker!). He has completely won over his brothers and sister, all of whom are convinced that no baby can top him in the departments of cuteness or smartness. (If you're wondering, I agree.) He sits up at a full 90-degree angle, and doesn't tip over the way all of our other babies did. It's as if he developed his ab muscles first and then just decided one day to sit up, so he did. At present, no one can make him laugh like Daddy, and no one can comfort him like Mama. He is very precious, and Doug & I keep telling each other how weird it is that it doesn't feel weird to have 5 kids. It doesn't feel overwhelming the way I would have expected that it might. Anyway, we love little Moses and are so glad to have this adorable seventh person in our quirky family. :)

  7. This new blog background makes me happy. Blog backgrounds are getting harder to find, or maybe I'm just looking in the wrong places. Anyway, it made me feel a bit like blogging might be going the way of the dinosaur, but it matters not to me. I'm here, I'm writing. There may be gaps and lulls every now and again, but I don't plan on going anywhere.
As always, I welcome your comments & thoughts.

 

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Be Patient...

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Last week, as I was clearing out an old basket full of random things (yay for the occasional burst of organizational motivation!), I came across an index card with this scripture written on it. It seems to me such a very perfect promise to mothers who are in the thick of the work of motherhood, that I decided to share it here.

Please don't construe my feelings about motherhood from this, heh heh, but it is taken from a section subtitled "Patience in Suffering". Sometimes, though, we all grow weary... we all would be much more motivated (or so we think) if we could just see the final fruits of our labors... or at least be assured that things will turn out well in the end, despite present difficulties.
Be patient... See how the farmer waits for the precious fruit of the earth, being patient about it, until it receives the early and the late rains. ...Establish your hearts, for the coming of the Lord is at hand. Do not grumble against one another, so that you may not be judged. ~James 5:7-9

A few observations about this passage:
  • "See how the farmer waits"-- Just like the farmer works hard and yet waits for fruit that he himself ultimately does not produce, we mothers do too. We pour into our children what is right, we discipline them as we think best, we instruct them in godliness, common sense, life skills, kindness & compassion, we pour ourselves out for them, and we pray pray pray... but ultimately, the results are in God's hands. Though we try to be faithful as mothers, we trust HIM to produce whatever fruit will grow in our children's lives.
  • "being patient about it"-- We have to be patient. Though there may be some general patterns (i.e., wait for the "early and late rains"), there is no precise magic formula for producing "the precious fruit". And none of it happens overnight. If you're like me, we're still in the early part of parenting. Even if we feel God's leading in how we love, how we parent, and how we teach our children, and even if we see some fruit (like joy, peace, kindness) in our kids' lives, we are still to be patient because from this vantage, we can not see what God will do and develop in our children as they grow to adulthood.

  • "Establish your hearts." Some translations say, "Strengthen your hearts". This patience we are to have is not a worried, fetal-position kind of patience, just hoping to hang on and make it until the crazy ride is over. Nor is it a passive, thumbs-drumming-on-the-counter kind of patience, waiting for it all to pass. This kind of patience is strong. Firmly rooted. Not torn apart emotionally if there's a bad day or week... but instead, this "farmer" goes about his work, possessing a quiet confidence that God is at work, and will produce the fruit He intends. We do our part, but then we are patient in our trust of God.

  • "Do not grumble against one another, so that you may not be judged." This last portion, when put in the context of motherhood, reminds me of how prone we mothers are to try to tear each other down. "I can't believe the kinds of food she lets her kids eat!" "Can you believe the attitudes she puts up with? What a pushover!" "Look at how unconnected she is to her own kids." "Wow, she's strict!"

    Some of these judgments come from insecurity. Some, from annoyance. Some, from bitterness about how we were raised. Some, from a feeling of superiority. And all of it is exacerbated by the fact that motherhood can be the most demanding, exhausting, patience-requiring job in the entire world. But this passage repeats the idea that Matthew 7:2 communicates-- that whatever measure we use to judge others will be used to judge us.

    So, in our patience (which can sometimes be a frustrating, exhausting season of work for a mother), we should offer grace to each other. Grace to make different decisions. Grace that recognizes when another mom just needs a smile or hug rather than judgment about her kid's tantrum. Grace to an older mom who has a runaway. Grace. It's my middle name, but sometimes, it's so hard for me to give it to others. And yet, it's the measure I want when God or other people are looking at my life... so it ought to be what I offer to others, too.

These are the main things I took away from this lost little index card. Any thoughts or additional "take-aways" that you see?

 

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7 Quick Takes Friday - #10

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This week has been a great one, and I'm going to try to be brief in my 7 quick takes, as we're about to have dinner guests:

  1. We started Moses on solids last week. I ground up some brown rice (man, that is loud!), and later in the week baked and pureed some pumpkins, and froze those little food cubes once again. I love these familiar routines. ... in related news...

  2. Moses is sitting up all by himself (just started that 2 days ago), and boy is he cute! I love having children at all different stages... one child is making a joke, one baby is grinning at you. When one child is learning about equivalent fractions, another is starting to speak in full sentences, and another is talking to the baby like a little mama. Or, on the flip side, (just to give you a dose of reality) when one child is having a bad attitude and having to re-walk across the living room, *this time without stomping please*, another has tipped down to one side and bonked his head on the floor. One child is grumping about having to sweep under the table while another is running through the house screaming because his sister is chasing him like a barking puppy dog. :) Well, I don't know that all this has exactly happened in one moment, but it has happened in the same day.

  3. My mom got us the game "In A Pickle" for Christmas, and it is so awesome. I've played it several times now with the two older boys, and it's great fun. PLUS-- my oldest son is learning to think more logically (because the game requires that you put words together in reasonable ways), and our 2nd son (learning to read) is doing great and having additional motivation to read longer words so that he can play too. We love this game just for the fun of it, but I'm also loving that it's spurring Baxter on to read more and more!

  4. Another fun homeschooling "find" (recommended to me by wiser and more experienced moms) is "Liberty's Kids". We're doing American history this year, and have gotten to the Revolutionary period, and this PBS series on DVD is just great. It tells the stories of the birth of America in a way that holds the interest of even my 2 & 4 year olds (but it's particularly relevant and memorable for the older boys-- 6 & 8). I recommend this DVD series to those who want a great way to reinforce American history.

  5. This week we had guests (strangers to us-- that happens sometimes when you live in a major city that people pass through) for nearly a whole week, and it was great. For starters, they were just fun and easy to be around... we laughed and got to know them throughout the week. And our kiddos enjoyed it immensely!
    6. But one great thing we noticed about having guests in our home is that it forces us to examine our lives in a fresh way. Suddenly, we notice the random items littering the top of the shoe cabinet, or we realize we've made it through the whole week without yelling at the kids... and that we *CAN* do that. Or we pull out family games a little more often (see list item #3). I think having guests is a good way to "see" your home & family with fresh eyes.

  6. Someone asked last week how the "No S" Diet is going, and if I'm losing weight. I'll say this: I don't own a scale, so I have no idea about the actual numbers. But my clothes are fitting differently. Not so tight, and I don't have that mid-section bulge I was so embarrassed about a month ago. But what's been more amazing to me is that I didn't gain weight over the holidays, and I really, REALLY enjoyed myself (sweets-wise). I just did it with common sense. I really like this diet, and yes, I'm still doing it. I *think* I'm losing weight (my husband thinks so too), but I have no way to verify that at present.

  7. My husband's computer stopped allowing me to upload pictures from my camera. Thus the reason there are none with this post. Sorry about that. Hopefully we'll rectify that soon and I can once again start linking up pictures of the cutest baby in the world. [Obviously, I came back and added in the pictures that you now see in this article.] :)
Have a great weekend! As always, please share thoughts/comments!

 

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7 Quick Takes Friday- #5

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I'll jump right in this week...
  1. I can't believe it... but I really did-- I forgot about those sweet little cooey, sigh-like noises a baby makes while nursing, and I just love hearing them. I love these moments with Moses close, snuggled up, so content, so sweet, so needy. This way that God makes new PEOPLE is just so amazing.

  2. Tonight I started Bernard Nathanson's book, Hand of God: A Journey from Death to Life by the Abortion Doctor Who Changed His Mind, and it took me a few minutes to even clear my head and get over the first sentence:
    "I did my last abortion in late 1978 or early 1979."

    Date-wise, that's my husband and me. Late 1978 = a Spring 1979 birthday, like my husband. Early 1979 = a Fall 1979 birthday, like me. That pretty much sums up the whole abortion debate for me. We're talking about real people. A real man or woman who would have been born, and would by now potentially have had a family, like what my husband & I have. Or gone away to college and graduate school and been finishing up a doctorate in literature, like my college friend Beth. Or have a computer business he started, a daughter he adores, a motorcycle he drives too fast, and travelled to see Central American Mayan ruins like a high school friend of mine. The person that Bernard Nathanson aborted last was a real person, and Nathanson knows it now (and maybe knew it then, I haven't gotten that far). A person with the potential of a great many things, some good, some bad, perhaps some amazing things... but his or her life was snuffed out.

    I wonder if we might have been friends.

  3. Heard this week in our house while reading a book about babies being born to my just-turned-6-year-old son Baxter:

    me: "So how would the doctor know if it's a boy or a girl?

    Baxter: "By looking at the hair."

    You can't make this stuff up. :)

  4. This week, I got organized for the next stage of our homeschool journey. See, the way we do things, our boys keep pressing along and advancing in their math, writing, and reading, but we do history at a pace that allows us to enjoy it and really take it all in (plus, we have had some amazing field trip opportunities that have taken us on quite a few rabbit trails, living where we live). Anyway, we've been just taking our time to finish up their history/science curriculum books from last year. Plus, ya know, I had a baby. :)

    But here we are in September, and we're about to begin digging into American history. Ethan (our oldest son) and I have gone all the way through world history, right up to the era of the Renaissance, and we're both ready to tackle American history. I'd been planning all along to keep him on his own course, and Baxter on his (we're talking about history here-- they're always on their own courses as far as reading and math goes). But then mid-summer, I had an epiphany and realized that this year was a perfect opportunity to combine the two older boys (ages 6 & 8) and have a bunch of fun and a lot less scattered year for me. Because it's targeted towards the 3rd to 5th grade level, I'll have to adapt some of the curriculum for my 1st grader (ordered some historical coloring books and such for him to do while we're reading some of the more heady history portions), but what fun! I'm really looking forward to it, and they are too! Not only that, but it's coming at a perfect time, as we anticipate heading back to the States (Lord willing) for a few-months'-visit with family and friends next summer.

    Our boys have a great knowledge of the world for their ages, have learned a bit of another language, are both ahead in their math skills, and are doing great as far as reading goes. But I know that if we go home to Texas and they don't have any idea about the Alamo, for example, or basic bits about American history, (a) they could feel detached from their "home country", and/or (b) relatives who have not seen them in 4 years, and may not be fully convinced about this homeschooling stuff could get the wrong idea. Either way, it's a great time for us to take a year to really dive into American history. And we're doing it together- yippee! So, off we go!

  5. You know what I've recently discovered? I mean really discovered? Play-doh. I used to consider it positively evil. Those messy little teeny good-for-nothing bits that ended up everywhere, coupled with the fact that I was requested to play along, made it pretty much a no-go for (I'm sorry to say) these many years. And if we're all being honest, I'm happy to wrestle and tickle, cook alongside, read to, or even sometimes color with my kids. But Play-doh just isn't really my cup of tea. But, now that God has seen to it to give my kids in-home playmates other than me, I've realized it's not so bad.

    It isn't that expensive, it allows for great amounts of creativity (especially when fueled by recent family viewings of "Challenge" and "Cupcake Wars"), and it entertains the kids for an almost absurd amount of time. And when I'm trying to explain a math concept to my 8-year-old, get some housework done, or listen to my 6-year-old read aloud, the contented, happy time that Play-doh brings is absolutely priceless. So here's three cheers for the messy, time-consuming, joy-producing stuff! (And for kids who are old enough to use a Dustbuster afterwards!)

  6. This summer produced another epiphany for me: We Christians need the Body of Christ. We need each other! Now, of course, this should not BE an epiphany. Nonetheless, here's how God reminded me of this truth:

    Generally, we meet together weekly as a church body with 2-3 other families, sometimes more, plus occasionally some single folk. We meet in homes (often in ours), eat a meal together, pray for each other, sing to the Lord, and study Scripture together. But this summer, two things happened: one family moved back to America, and the other family in our house church took a 2-month vacation to America to put their oldest daughter in college, so we were here alone for that spread of time. It also worked out, what with me being a hugely pregnant woman in the heat, and Moses' birth mid-July, that I was indoors for a good portion of the summer. I struggled quite a bit this summer with discouragement and battling against anger in my heart and in my reactions to my family. But it wasn't until we began meeting again as the church that I realized how much I'd missed the way that God uses that time to minister to my heart.

    When the 2nd family I mentioned returned, we began meeting together again, and two other families have joined with us. It has been so encouraging to fellowship, worship, and study God's Word together. I really missed our church body. We need each other! We weren't made to be islands-- we need encouragement, and I'm so thankful for the Body of Christ and the way our Father encourages me through the people we meet with each week!

  7. It's suddenly quite a bit cooler here-- is it getting cooler where you live? Maybe some of you are already wearing jackets? But maybe you Texans or Floridians are still having warm weather... Here, it's just perfectly comfortable-- we leave the windows open, and still have the ceiling fans on, and it feels like "normal" to me (roughly 70-75 degrees each day, and cooler at night).

    I'm enjoying the cooler weather but also, in a way, mourning the loss of summer. Time passes so quickly, and our kids really had a great time playing outside this year. Plus, we're about to move into the it-takes-a-year-to-get-out-the-door mode, where each child has to wear more clothes, find matching socks, put on a jacket, and sometimes scarf and gloves, just to get out the door. And I get to corral it all. *Sigh* I'm tired of winter already, LOL.

I think that'll do it. There's my "Seven Quick Takes" for the week. If you do one, be sure to pop over to Jennifer @ Conversion Diary to share the link. Blessings to you!

 

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"Discipline Your Child"...

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... and he will give you peace ("rest", in some translations). He will bring delight to your soul." ~Prov 29:17

Does your child (or do your children) give you peace?
Does your child give you rest?
Delight in your soul?


As parents, especially first-time parents, look into parenting books, methods, advice, and try to make decisions about how to raise up their children, there are many opportunities to encounter really lousy advice. It can be difficult, in this age of TV psychologists and celebrity moms and PhD-toting "experts", to know what is right.

Rather than try to lay out specifics, if you are a first-time mom, or just beginning to make some of these life-impacting decisions about parenting and discipline, I just want to encourage you to ask yourself a few questions, about whatever advice you are contemplating.

(1) Does the advice you are following line up with what the Bible says about discipline?

Spend an afternoon at Biblegateway.com and do a word search on "discipline", for example. Read about various parents in the Bible-- Eli and his sons, how Solomon talks to his son as he gives advice in Proverbs, how Samson's parents interacted with him and what those results were. Take to heart the commands given to parents (Deut 6, throughout Proverbs, to church leaders in the epistles about what their kids should be like, in each of the Pauline letters-- how children should act, how parents should train/teach).

Look at the whole counsel of the Word of God as you consider these things.


(2) Do you know anyone in real life who follows the advice you are considering?

Are their kids pleasant to be around? Depending on the ages of their kids, are their young children generally joyful and obedient? Are their teenagers respectful, or rebellious? Are their adult children following God? Whether they have one or many children, would it be pleasant and encouraging to be around a large group of people like their children? This is not to say that there is some perfect parenting formula that will turn out perfect human beings-- of course not!

But on the whole, we should consider the "fruit" of those that we are considering following. If we want to do well in our marriage, we ask advice from people who have made wise choices and persevered and have a strong marriage. If I want to learn to bake or cook well, I strive to learn from those who do so, not from the person who cooks primarily out of cans and boxes, or who doesn't enjoy cooking.

Another point on this score is that internet advice, or book advice, can be good (in fact, I've been spurred on and encouraged by many godly mamas in online form)... but the proof is in the pudding, and it is much more helpful to have solid advice from a person you know and trust, than to have extensive advice from someone "out there" whose life you really don't know anything about.

(3) In general, do the people who follow this advice have families that are joyful? Peaceful? Rested? A blessing to the people around them?

It's not at all that I'm saying everything has to be roses and sunshine, or that godly families won't have struggles or moments of complete and utter humanity and failure. Medical situations come up, seasons of extra pressure or difficulty arise, and of course, we're dealing with sinful human beings (parents and children alike) and no one is perfect! But in general, what is the likely fruit of the advice you're following? Does it match up with what you desire for your family? Does it match up with what the Bible says you should desire for your family?


(4) Does following this advice put you at odds with, or strengthen your oneness with, your spouse?

Unless there is a situation of abuse or neglect (which is an entirely different matter and should be dealt with legally), we should seek to find a place of peace and agreement in how we parent our children, but in the end, we are to respect and submit to the leadership of our husbands. God made men and women different for a reason... and we may not see eye-to-eye on every single detail. Still, though they (and we) are imperfect, He gives husbands & fathers ultimate headship and responsibility for leading their families.

Many times, I have encountered young mothers who put themselves at odds with their husbands over this issue of discipline by taking a hard stance against the very methods their husbands would use. It is not difficult to find young wives online-- especially on message forums or blogs-- husband-bashing because their husbands, ultimately, desire the very thing Proverbs says that discipline will bring-- peace, rest, and delight-- to the home.


There may be other considerations that are important to you, but these are the ones that came to my mind as common "sticking points" for young parents as they consider how to raise their kiddos. I pray God's blessings and His wisdom (He promises to give it-- James 1:5) on you as you seek His guidance in these matters.

 

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Show & Tell: Clearing Out My Bloglines

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One day last week, I went on a cleaning splurge with the kids... I woke up and told them, "today is gonna be a cleaning day." After breakfast, brooms began flying, appliances were wiped down, things that had been lost were found, furniture was rearranged... and by 11:30 or so, we'd made quite a big impact on the apartment. The whole living space looked different and we all enjoyed the fruit of our labor!

Today, I feel like doing the same thing with my Bloglines account. So here we go, here's a link-sharing festival of just the articles I've saved in my Bloglines blog reader. Enjoy!

FEATURE ARTICLE:
Our culture downplays the pressure of living life as a "modern, successful woman"-- Aifric Campbell shares about the major transition of her life, going from career woman to mother (a few excerpts, and then the link) :
I had a seven-figure salary but worked so hard I rarely had time to spend it. Personal shoppers at Harrods and Harvey Nichols picked out my Max Mara suits and Gucci leather briefcases. Everything revolved around work.
...
I had always wanted a family and was thrilled when I became pregnant in February 1998. I was 36. I didn't tell a soul because I didn't want allowances to be made. Instead I simply wore longer dresses and my male colleagues didn't notice a thing.
...
Oscar was born, and I fell in love instantly. Nothing prepared me for the overwhelming passion I felt for the tiny bundle in my arms. It seems totally mad but, even though I loved Oscar to bits, it never crossed my mind not to return to work as soon as possible.

Oscar was two weeks old when I was invited back into work - to be told that I had been promoted... and I was thrilled. I really felt it proved I could have it all - a gorgeous new baby, a fantastic career, a loving, supportive husband.

But I was also in a state of total, bone-crushing exhaustion. As the days ticked by, I felt increasingly torn between my new baby and my return to the office.

CLICK HERE TO READ THE FULL ARTICLE.


ENCOURAGING & CHALLENGING LINKS:

MISCELLANEOUS INTERESTING & INFORMATIVE LINKS:
HOMESCHOOLING & EDUCATION:
CRAFTY LINKS:
  • Lucy's blog is an incredibly inspirational place! She crochets like the dickens (seriously, I don't know how she finds the time!), and her blog is where I was inspired to make the colorful, flowery granny-square blanket I made (pictured above) for myself in the winter (to be fair, it started out for "Violet" but then the doc told us she'd made a mistake and we were actually expecting a boy).
  • Maternity clothes-- two great ideas I meant to try but didn't get around to, and now it's too late for me: Refashion jeans into a maternity skirt, Turn a big shirt into a maternity shirt
  • Container Gardening-- it's the only kind of gardening I can do right now... but it's great for herbs and smaller plants!
  • Make your own bath toy bag.
  • Turn a sock into a baby rattle-- super cute idea!
  • Make your own car playmat for the floor-- my mother-in-law had done this for her sons (my husband and his two brothers) a couple decades ago, and our sons still enjoy playing with it. She also adapted this idea to make a "ranch" playmat (with buildings, stock tank, grove of trees, stream, etc.), to use with toy animals. It's a great idea, and for us as overseas' dwellers, it's a great, easily portable toy!
  • Easy and cute homemade travel high chair-- I really do intend to make this at some point... it would be very useful for our family, particularly in certain seasons of life (when doing a lot of travel with a 12-18 month old).'
  • OR- recover your home's high chair with an updated, fun fabric!
COOKING LINKS:

 

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Mid-May Link Day

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Since it's been more than 10 months since I last shared links, I have about thirty gazillion links saved in my bookmarks folder to share with you all... and it's really getting ridiculous. So, even pared down, here's a quite large collection of what I think of, or at one time thought of, as interesting, worthwhile, or challenging reading. Also, I'll punctuate it with pictures of my cute kids, just because I can. Enjoy!

LIFE AT HOME
HOMESCHOOLING
EVERYDAY LIFE & ITS STRUGGLES
CRAFTING AND COOKING
SOCIAL, RELIGIOUS, POLITICAL, OR OTHERWISE INTERESTING ISSUES
AND, IN TRUE MAKING HOME TRADITION, SOMETHING FUNNY TO FINISH OFF THIS LINKFEST:

 

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