Showing posts with label Femininity and Womanhood. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Femininity and Womanhood. Show all posts
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linda
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- Last week, our ladies' Bible study group finished up True Woman 101: Divine Design, by Mary Kassian & Nancy Leigh DeMoss. It was a rich and powerful study, and to a woman, everyone who completed the study, wished it could've gone on longer. Scripturally sound and deeply insightful, it gave fresh voice & vision to topics and passages that have long been on my heart... and knit them all together in such a challenging and relevant way for women of our generation. If your church has a regular ladies' Bible study, I'd encourage you to request this study as an excellent resource for a future session. I personally can't wait for True Woman 102, or 201-- whatever comes next! I hope this great study will be followed up with many more biblically-faithful, challenging messages for women in this generation.
- Submission-- it's a word fraught with misconceptions.
- This week at our church, we're starting a new bible study about prayer. I'll be facilitating/leading it, teaching from Scripture and leaning on "greats" like Andrew Murray. After studying more last night about the connection between fruitful prayer & abiding in Christ, this morning I woke up with "Jesus, Keep Me Near the Cross" in my head... love that hymn!
- Last week, I did the great semi-annual household seasonal clothing exchange. (It's been two years exactly since I had all of our kids' clothing in one place; while it was quite an undertaking, I am so so so so so so so so so very glad to have these things more sorted & organized.) While I may share details of my own approach/method at some future point, I definitely don't have time to do that right now. Here's someone (a large-family-mom) who HAS recently shared tips/ideas about changing out kids' clothes.
- One afternoon this week, I looked on my banking app and was shocked to find that our balance was $70,243,856.00. I had fun being a $70 millionaire and dreaming up ways to give and use that much money, until they corrected our balance that evening, back to its normal level with not near so many numbers. :)
- Yesterday in church, I was overwhelmed with emotion as I remembered and prayed for friends and contacts who live in difficult places, countries where it is difficult, illegal, and/or potentially life-threatening to live as a disciple of Jesus. We are to remember those who are imprisoned!
- In an increasingly disconnected generation, what are Christians to do with this whole "love your neighbor" idea? Here's a great article about practical, literal neighboring.
- We have to fight HARD to keep our kiddos and ourselves from being overcommitted. Here's an article from Sheila about that very thing. As I came back to America last year after nearly 6 years away, this was probably one of the top three most shocking things I noticed about our American culture. We say "no" a lot... but many (most?) of the people I see seem stressed, overcommitted, and lack relational connection in their lives... and a lot of it has to do with commitments made for very young children.
SOME WORTH-YOUR-TIME-IF-YOU'RE-INTERESTED LINKS:
- Homeschooling is dangerous - Veteran homeschooler and mom-of-7 tells you how it is.
- Dear (Pregnant) Sister, - A good perspective on the demands of pregnancy
- Do you feel like screaming, "HELP!!!"? Sherry has some encouraging and vision-casting words.
- How do Modesty & Being Sexy for our husbands fit together?
- Why talking helps women "warm up" for marital intimacy
- To flirt or not to flirt? What should Christians do with this now-accepted form of female seduction?
- Should you marry someone who uses porn? A sadly necessary article in our generation.
- In seasons of stress, it may help to go into "Bare Minimum Mode".
- BEFORE you take online advice...
- What the BIBLE says about anger. Great compilation of wisdom here.
- Are you in need of godly counsel in some area of your life? Click here to locate a biblical counselor near you.
As always, I welcome your thoughts.
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linda
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I suppose it's time for me to write a blogpost, seeing as how I'm getting about 347 spam blog comments each day with very vague and generic (but surprisingly lengthy) comments for product-selling websites. They're onto me, you might say. I've been a lazy blogger, but have enjoyed a productive and fun summer. Hope you have too! :) I've got some issues and thoughts swirling around in my brain, so I'm hoping to be more productive, writing-wise, very soon.- As of today, I'm 20 weeks pregnant with either a little Ruby Jane or a Theodore Gideon (we'll call him Theo). Either option delights me... in different ways. Certainly, our six year old daughter, Maranatha, would be utterly thrilled, complete with heart flops and chillbumps, to have a little sister. But I love my squishy, funny, what-you-see-is-what-you-get boys... so either way, I'll really be thrilled. Virtually every person who knows us is pulling for a girl, for Maranatha's sake, poor little girl in a sea of testosterone. :) We thought we'd find out last week, but the sono machine was out for servicing (what???). Hopefully we can find out soon.
- Projects I've been up to: I've made a lavender-scented rice heating pad and used it about a bajillion times, fixed our couch cushions (they had ripped off of the back of the couch and had to constantly be readjusted to not look TERRIBLE), and organized our family's shoe area with some Martha Stewart cubbies I found on deep discount @ Home Depot. (We don't wear shoes in the house, so we previously just had a big ugly pile of shoes, grass, and random books/toys at the back door.) It's felt great to be PRODUCTIVE! I started a special board on Pinterest just to document which Pinterest ideas I've actually completed, to help motivate me to do more. How do motivate yourself toward productivity?
- We had a garage sale on Friday. Saturday was a complete rain-out, but it worked out fine, as we'd already sold about 2/3 of what we had on the Friday, and allowed me to use those "free" hours to fix the couch cushions. It felt so good to see all the "stuff" that had been clogging up one whole section of our garage walking out of our yard in other people's hands, with a little extra cash in our pockets.
- I've been making pumpernickel bread from my "Artisan Bread in 5 Minutes A Day" cookbook. That method is genius. SO easy and incredibly tasty... this is the first time I've had success regularly baking bread, because it just makes the whole thing so very easy.
- Homeschooling this year has been entirely different than any other year we've had. We've always done Sonlight, with TONS of reading out loud, lots of great books, and a bunch of time on the couch together. That just wasn't practical for us this year, as I thought about the variety of ages and stages our kids are at, so we've been using something I previously snobbily sneered at: workbooks. LOL. And it's going great! We're still reading aloud-- some --but the great majority of their subject learning is happening via workbooks. The kids are each making solid progress and I've definitely come to see that God gives grace and kindness in a variety of ways, in each season, as we need it. Truly, while I intellectually believed it before, I am seeing in practice that there is not one right "formula" and that we each have to do the best with what we have and trust God for the increase.
- Our ladies' Bible study this fall has been going through True Woman 101: Divine Design and it has been phenomenal. It has been so exciting to see women synthesizing the truth about the culture we live in and where it deviates from what Scripture says about why God made men and women, and the ways we are different, by design.
- I've been going through Scripture from the beginning, looking at how Godly people interact in ungodly cultures. That theme has existed from Genesis 3 onward, and I have already noticed some interesting things. I've also been reading through John, looking at Jesus & the way He interacted/spoke with people around him. That, too, has been incredibly insightful. The first thing I noticed, for example, was that Jesus' first question recorded in John is "What is it you are seeking?" It's a good question for all of us to think about. What is is, if I try to look at my life in an unbiased way, that I'm seeking? What am I pursuing? What is it that I sacrifice to obtain? What am I looking for?
What's been happening with you? Any comments/thoughts on any of the above?
As always, this blog fluctuates and flows according to how often I'm able to sit down and write, but with the outdoor-summer season ending, and with being home more often during the days, I'm foreseeing more opportunities for writing in the near future.
Hope you'll continue to join me as we thoughtfully interact with Scripture & culture as Christian women. :)
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linda
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I want to share some of the blessings of having a large family, and not come across as if I don't count the cost. I want to share some of the challenges and not scare away women who are already hearing fearful messages about motherhood from culture. But I'll just do the best I can, and trust God to use this sharing for good in your heart and mine, and for His glory.
I want to share what God has taught me, how He has changed me, and how the landscape around me has changed, as our family has grown.
Please read this as a personal tome and not as a prescriptive tutorial.
A LARGE FAMILY?
When we married, we knew that we would be large-family weirdos. :)
Well, let me take that back... I had been told by my gynecologist at age 16 that I had poly-cystic ovaries and would have difficulty getting pregnant, and might not even be able to have children. Doug knew that going in. So we knew there might be obstacles.
But still, we talked about large families and having lots of children, and both of us were "in" for that vision before we married. We weren't super-spiritual people... by that I mean, we didn't have outward vestiges of holiness. I'd dated around and been reckless and rebellious for years of my life (in ways I now regret), and he was a hippie artist from a divorced family who drove a VW camper van. While we were both genuinely children of God, we were singed and scarred from having the majority of our worldview influenced by the world and culture around us.
Somehow, though, we both loved children and both loved Scripture and entered marriage with hearts open to the possibility of having lots of children. Whenever we expressed that shared desire to people, we got a lot of responses like, "yeah, just wait until you have one or two...", which made me sad. It is truly sad that Christian people try to dampen the vision and desires God puts on the heart of two young people.
Nonetheless, despite our open hearts, God had a lot of self-importance and career-idolatry (both for me, with politics, and for Doug, with painting) to move out of our hearts, which he did in those early years, and still does from time to time (just last week, I had this daydream of being a Senator...). :)
BABY #1
Jumping ahead to parenthood, to move the story along, after a difficult first baby labor and delivery, and after deciding to stay home with him, I purposed to enjoy every single minute with Ethan. And I really did. At his first birthday party, I remember reflecting back and being so thankful that I'd tried to listen to the wisdom of older moms: "take time to enjoy him; they grow so fast!" The biggest lesson of that first baby was that it's not about me... everything took longer and I had a different body and different life than I'd had going into it, but when I welcomed the newness and reveled in the changes, seeking wisdom as needed, there was inexpressible joy.
Focusing outward (on others) rather than inward (on myself) was a wonderfully freeing change of attitude. I still was a crummy housekeeper and a terrible cook, but I was learning some things about being a loving wife & mom.
BABY #2
Soon I was pregnant with Baxter, and he too was a welcomed blessing in our lives and hearts. New lessons came with him: with a natural delivery and immediate breastfeeding (which I wasn't able to do with Ethan, as he had been whisked away to the NICU for a week) came an influx of hormones and attachment/bonding that I hadn't experienced so easily with Ethan. There were so many physical and hormonal benefits that I hadn't known the first time around. I internalized the truth that God made our bodies to work so wonderfully!
I also began learning about prioritizing needs, as all moms of more than one inevitably have to learn. :)
MISCARRIAGES
When Baxter was about a year old, I got pregnant again, only to start bleeding about 2 days later. It was an early miscarriage-- the kind that doctor's offices irreverently term "chemical pregnancies". Thankfully, by this point, God had firmly convinced Doug and I of His good sovereignty, and I felt certain, even in the midst of the physical process of miscarrying, that God would give us the children He meant for us to have. I still believe that. That does not mean I didn't hurt, but I really did have a quiet confidence in God's goodness despite present circumstances.
The next month, to our surprise, I was pregnant again. 5 days later, I miscarried yet again. People around me thought I was crazy, I think, for not being uncontrollably emotional about these two losses, but I held fast to confidence in God. I knew He had not abandoned me and would make something beautiful of this.
BABY #3The next month, I got pregnant with our beautiful Maranatha.
No one questioned our decision to get pregnant for a third time. I think it seemed natural to people; "oh, you finally got your girl." We'd smile and think, "Lord willing, we're not stopping here, but thank you." :)
While pregnant with her, we packed up our home, sold most everything we owned, and moved to the opposite side of the world, to China. She was born in Thailand.
I felt that I needed to understand what the Bible teaches about being a woman even better, that I needed to be a godly example for my daughter, not only of personal holiness, but of grace and kindness. The Bible talks of a "gentle and quiet spirit" and I'd always seen myself as having a forceful, passionate, and loud spirit, LOL. I needed to be able to help her understand how to navigate the natural biological functions of womanhood, the biblical roles of womanhood, and our culture's views of women. I began thinking and reading about these things more. This blog was started, in a large part, because of my grappling with these things as I strove to understand what God means for women, regardless of culture, and what God means for Christian women, here in this culture.
During this time, too, Doug got sick. The LORD taught us so much about suffering, problems, and pain. We learned to trust Him when we were smack-dab in the middle of a season of suffering. We did not know how it was going to end, but we grew dependent on the LORD.
BABY #4That summer, as things leveled out with Doug's health, we moved to Istanbul and found out the same week that we were expecting Silas, our little stowaway. :)
Reactions to this pregnancy were decidedly different than I'd experienced before. Friends were excited but still asked, "so this was a surprise, right?" Relatives' reactions ranged from pleasant to "oh no!" and "Well, if you're happy about it, then congratulations." Having a 4th baby seemed so intentional, I guess. :) So much like embracing insanity. :) So "in your face"... like deliberately choosing something so unnecessary. But we looked at the precious smiles, and sweet moments with each of our 3 unique children and knew that God was right-- children are truly a wonderful blessing.
While these were some of the most tender and sweet days, I admittedly was entering what would be the most difficult season of my life thus far. In a small apartment, in a new culture, without language skills, with four children 6 and under, my days were mostly eaten up with physical tasks- tying shoes, making chicken spaghetti, breastfeeding, picking up army men, changing diapers, putting on coats, pouring cups of milk, snuggling.
My blog became to me a place to outpour all of the thoughts I'd stored up through each day (this was 2007-2008).
Even in the midst of wonderful times with our children, I faced personal discouragement, and when two old friends came to visit me (separately), I realized how much I had changed, though I still couldn't express in what ways I was different. I was grappling with how to lovingly train my children, cutting anger out of my heart, my role in and out (?) of our home, choosing contentment, and learning hospitality. Living overseas, despite the fact that we were often hosting large groups in our home, loneliness and isolation were real and present concerns in my life at that time. OH, how I longed for a good friend.
I read and felt the truth of Isaiah 40:11: "He gently leads those who are with young." God looks at those who are with young through gentle, tender eyes, and He knows we are made of dust. I took to heart His kindness, and grew more dependent upon Him.
God's Word became more precious to me, and God used all these struggles to break me of my sense of pride and self-reliance. I hadn't realized it before, but I had skated through my early years of child-rearing in my own strength. I gave cursory nods to God in prayer or by trying to apply Scripture, but I still carried it all out in my own strength, confident in my own abilities. During this time of struggle, God showed me how much I had taken glory in my own talents and strength. He stripped me of the sense that I had it all together. And I thank Him for it... I still work to not fall back into the thought pattern of self-reliance.
ANOTHER MISCARRIAGE
When Silas was about a year old, we learned that we were expecting again, when we were about 2 weeks out from a move. Thankfully, a moving company came to pack and physically move our belongings, so I didn't have to lift things, etc., but it was still a stressful, unsettled time.
I believe it was the day after our move that I began miscarrying, at about 7 weeks along, 2 weeks farther along than our other miscarriages had been. Certainly this was more difficult, emotionally, as I'd had more time to get excited about the baby coming. But physically, it was much more difficult than the previous 2 miscarriages. I was spent, utterly exhausted. Silas was still nursing many times a day, I was homeschooling Ethan, taking Turkish language lessons, and I had a house to unpack and organize, and new neighbors to meet.
Here is where God ministered to me through my husband. We had previously thought through various stances concerning birth control, and come to the belief that in general, for us, fertility and family should be our default position. Biologically (generally speaking), God has given women a long window of fertility, and he has put our hormonal levels of desire at the very point in our cycle when we are most fertile. It seems straightfoward to us that God set it up so we would (on the whole) be fruitful.
However, unlike what some people call a "quiverfull" mentality, we also believe that we are to be thoughtful stewards of our bodies, souls, and families, like anything else. He who starts building a tower without considering the cost is reckless. Doug Wilson comes the closest to explaining our point of view in this article, which is similar to how a farmer views stewardship of the fruitfulness on his land: BIRTH CONTROL. (My favorite quote: "A man can have a high view of apple trees and still not plant them a foot and a half apart in his orchard.") Children are wonderful, AND we are stewards. Consider carefully, AND trust God. Both/And. Anyway, moving on...
At that time when I felt used up, post-miscarriage, mid-move, and with four children six and under, Doug "lived with his wife in an understanding way." He determined that we would take measures to prevent pregnancy for a time-- both to allow my body to rest and heal, but also to allow me the opportunity I'd not ever had-- to nurse a baby for as long as both he and I desired to do so (after my two miscarriages while nursing Baxter, I'd always weaned ASAP once I found out I was pregnant). We made it to 18 months, when Silas began weaning, and I enjoyed about a 6-month "rest" (though I know to some people that sounds absurd-- that with four children, and a nursing baby, I was resting, nevertheless, and at the end of those six months, I felt like a new woman). Through Doug's love for me, understanding my heart, and meeting my needs, I saw another picture of Christ loving the Church, tending to her, caring for her, protecting her in her weakness. He loved me and cared for me and it fed my soul and allowed us to steward what God had given us well.
BABY #5We prayerfully decided to again be open to children, and like a true "Fertile Myrtle" :), I got pregnant with Moses. This time was different. Pressures of life overseas, limitations of living in an apartment, the expense of traveling (either for vacation or to see family), the weight of childrearing without any support from a nearby family member or friend willing to occasionally help lift the load... we knew something would have to give, and for the first time, I experienced pregnancy considering the possibility that it might be the last.
Even with painfully sharp ligament spasms, and normal pregnancy "ailments", I sought to again enjoy every part of it-- the first flutters, the full-on kicks, the sonograms, the labor, and the delivery... and I did. Someday I'll write about my last 3 labor experiences; I intended to years ago, and should do so soon. My labor with and delivery of Moses was quite different from all the others.
Anyway, he was such a precious addition to our family, and for the first time, really, I got to experience some of the absolute outright joys of large family life.
First of all- people didn't criticize us anymore (namely, those same relatives who had rude comments the 4th time around), at least not to our faces. :) Maybe they finally realized we were going to do what we were going to do without considering their disdain or disapproval of our "choices", and so they began embracing each personality as individual and began seeing us as a unique family, too... not just a carbon copy of theirs, and not something to be compared or contrasted to theirs... just unique.
Instead of solely being like a small young sibling, just asking when they would be able to play, and learning to help by bringing diapers and such, they actually began saying things like, "mom, did you see the way he scrunches up his cheeks when he smiles?" Or, "oh, mom, he's so cute; I can't imagine a cuter baby in the whole world." Or, "have you seen him _______?" They began interacting with him in ways that previously only Doug and I had done-- they were able to see and watch him every day and relate to him more like how we as adults related to him- doting on him, noticing all his cute details, treasuring moments of just holding and snuggling this newborn baby as the unique times that they are.
It was amazing to us to see how much they loved him, how much he meant to them. Truly, it softened and shaped their hearts in a way that surprised me. There was something decidedly different about having older children around with a newborn than there had been about having a bunch of little ones close together. Though that had been fun and special in its own right, this was even better. I began to see how God has designed for us to learn about and know about family life... I knew Ethan and Baxter would be better fathers for having experienced the delight and wonder of Moses as a newborn.
WHAT ELSE WAS/AM I LEARNING?In bullet-point form, here are a few things:
- to embrace and accept the chaos of daily life
- that messes are made very fast, and pile up quickly, in a large family
- that messes are cleaned up quickly and easily, when we all work together, in a large family
- to enjoy moments of quiet but not feed in my heart an unhealthy appetite for them (i.e., "me-time")
- to depend on the LORD and look to Him for guidance and trust that He will give it
- to rest in God, looking to Him as the source of acceptance in my life, and not expect it or look for it from other humans
- to care for my own soul, being a godly steward of it
- that children really are a blessing. Each of our children brings something so special to our family life (Ethan- curiosity, enthusiasm, and wonder, Baxter- hilarity, acceptance of others, and softhearted faithful friendship, Maranatha- artistry, tenderness, and passion, Silas- our funny, sensitive, snuggly little squishball :), and Moses- the baby who we are all convinced is the most precious in the world), and we truly can't (and wouldn't want to!) imagine life without them. Each personality God has brought into our family's life has enriched each of us and added color and joy to our family.
- Each child does not just "add" to the love in our family- they multiply the love, as we each develop a new relationship with this new person. When we married, there was one relationship in our home-- the one between Doug & I. With the addition of Ethan, there were 3 relationships-- with Doug & I, Doug & Ethan, and Ethan & I. With the addition of this 6th baby, there will be 28 relationships going on (simultaneously!) in our home. That is a lot of love, a lot of learning, a lot of sanctification, a lot of relationship. So many opportunities to experience love, seek & express forgiveness, learn to understand others' perspectives, serve one another. I praise God for this!
- that I am not going to be magically "zapped" with biblical wisdom and insight-- if I am going to be a wise and godly woman, wife, mother, and friend, it will come with discipline and purpose on my part, as I yield to God, letting Him instruct my heart.
- that my role as the wife & mom in a large family will only be eternally successful if I quit relying on my own strength and yet, as unto the LORD, purposefully grow in skill and wisdom, walking in the Spirit, and trusting God for the outcome.
And there is more, but I'll stop there, for now. Except to say this:
EXPECTING #6
We are pregnant for the ninth time. :) We hope to meet our newest little "valentine" next February. The kids are so so so thrilled (all of them!).
I am (more than ever) aware of my own frailty and limitations, and yet, (more than ever) aware and completely confident in God's goodness in giving always and only what is good, and what will bring glory to Him. I am so thankful that He is going to root out even more of the selfishness that resides in my heart. God truly does sanctify us through childbearing. I am so grateful that He will teach our children more about love, kindness, gentleness, patience, self-control, and more, through this new baby.
I am so excited to meet him or her, and just as each of our children has done, to see how our family will be changed by this new person. God has been so gracious to us, and never stops pursuing our good as He seeks to make us more like Jesus. When we yield to Him, and walk in the Spirit, He is so good to do amazing things in our hearts and families.
I thank Him here and now for what He's doing in our family, and pray that this has encouraged your heart.
I thank Him here and now for what He's doing in our family, and pray that this has encouraged your heart.
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linda
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Posted by
linda
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So today is Ash Wednesday. That didn't mean anything at all to me, growing up, and it still doesn't really, in terms of real practical living. But I appreciate the general pattern of fasting at meaningful times represented by the traditional celebration of Lent, kicked off by Ash Wednesday.Today, I decided to take a self-imposed break, or fast, from Facebook & all online forums. Honestly, I don't spend a lot of time on forums at this stage in life, but I need to be more disciplined and use my time more fruitfully, to worship God & serve my family.
There have been times when I have spent more time in these online locations-- when I was beginning homeschooling, for example, I spent a lot of time on Sonlight Forums (a WONDERFUL place to learn about homeschooling), and I've spent a good amount of time on the Raising Godly Tomatoes forum at various points, learning and gleaning wisdom from wise women about child rearing. But now is an excellent time for fasting from these things, so I am.
FASTING/LENT
As moms of little ones, fasting is an interesting topic.
In most religious traditions with "rules"/guidelines about these sorts of things, pregnant women, breastfeeding moms, children, and the elderly are excluded from the requirement of fasting from food. As Christians, we don't have specific rules like this governing our decisions about fasting, but we do know that God is "gentle with those who are with young" (Isaiah 40:11) and knows we are made of dust. As women, we recognize that we are a weaker vessel... particularly, more fragile in certain conditions that we often find ourselves in when we are mothers of little ones (pregnant/breastfeeding/in a more exhausted state/etc.).
Spiritually, I have grown so much through times of fasting from food. I first fasted in college, and found it to be a way of being much more intentionally focused on prayer & God's Word, and then have had a virtual hiatus from fasting for the last 10 years as I've been pregnant or breastfeeding for virtually 100% of the time during these years. Since I am currently neither pregnant nor nursing, I have enjoyed the spiritual growth & times of more intensive prayer that comes from regular fasts once again, knowing that the time may again come when I cannot do so.
ENCOURAGEMENT FOR MOMS OF LITTLE ONES
I want to encourage you in two ways:
- If you are at a place where you feel free to take fasts from certain things, and can do it healthily, and joyfully as unto the Lord, do it. BUT ALSO-
- If you are in a place of neediness, exhaustion, feeling burnt out, used up, stressed, etc., allow the Lord to fill you and meet your needs. Do not feel pressure from others to give up things that you need or do what you can not do. Let your yes be yes and your no be no, and rejoice in either fasting or in letting the Lord supply your needs.
As Christians, we are not bound to ritualistic feasting or fasting. And particularly as a young mother, your God, El Roi, sees your state. He knows your needs. Let Him be the source of any religious observation AND the meeter of your every need. Draw on HIS reserves. You can do that through fasting, or through the joyful receiving of food (or the joyful receiving of internet wisdom, or the joyful eating of chocolate, or whatever you might feel pressure to "give up" during Lent). Don't let the convictions or decisions of others rule your life, particularly in this demanding season of your life.
"He will tend his flock like a shepherd... and will gently lead those who are with young."
~ Isaiah 40:11
Rest in your God. Rely on your God. Rejoice in your God. Do this, whether fasting or partaking.
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linda
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Have you ever been in a home where you felt truly welcomed? Maybe it was the way you were received into a home, or perhaps a friend did something that made you feel fully accepted and treasured-- welcomed.Have you ever experienced the opposite? Maybe it was a group of kids in school who made you feel left out, or a group of adults at work or church who already had their 'clique' and didn't seem to want to have anything to do with you, or a party where you felt like you never really connected with anyone in particular-- unwelcomed.
I'd like to explore the idea of the Christian "welcome" that should exist within the Body of Christ, even while we hold varying personal convictions. Specifically, I'd like to talk about the sense of unwelcome that is communicated when (at least on the internet) every stance, every conviction, every choice a couple makes is held up as an all-or-nothing proposition, particularly within the Christian homeschool community.
HOMESCHOOLING & CONVICTIONS
Friends of mine have shared that it can be difficult if you're a homeschool parent of an only child, or even of 2 or 3, when curriculum covers continually feature families of 9 or more, all dressed in denim, period dresses, or plaid. Intentionally or unintentionally, it projects the message that smaller family units are not valued or welcomed within that circle.
It also, speaking frankly, projects the message that homeschoolers are some strange breed of humanity, and draws unnecessary and extrabiblical distinctions between us and the world around us, when there are plenty of biblical distinctions that could and should be a better focus of our time and attention.
Even more insidious is the idea that unless we all hold identical convictions on everything, we can not (and should not) be in fellowship. That standard could be one's political views, stance on contraceptives, headcoverings, skirts, or what educational choices are made by adult children. Sometimes it is all of these. For pete's sake, there are Christian homeschool organizations that have stances on men's facial hair! It has gone too far, and intruded too deeply into areas where God is fully capable of speaking and leading in the life of a family.
HOMESCHOOLING = HOLINESS?
Recently, Tim Challies has written about homeschooling, and -I'll admit- I have disagreed with some of what he said, and more generally objected to the approach he uses when he talks about homeschooling, which to me has come off almost like a bitter teacher who wants to "teach a lesson" to the kid he never liked. However, regardless of my take on his attitude, I think there is one larger point interwoven in his articles worth considering: homeschoolers have too often projected an image that we think that this one educational decision-- homeschooling-- is a holier decision, or that it will somehow save our children from the resident sin within.
Part of that may be that any significant decision one makes that intentionally takes a minority position seems to cast rejection and judgment toward the majority view, but part of it is that the homeschooling community (writ large) has repeatedly, methodically, sometimes unintentionally, but sometimes intentionally, projected that sense of judgment and disdain toward other choices over the last few decades. I am not suggesting that I agree that this is a motivation of why people choose to homeschool. What I'm suggesting is that we need to be aware of this ability to easily come off as "holier than thou", and write and speak about homeschooling more carefully.
UNITY IN CHRIST
As I write here, I want to be careful to cling to what is good and delight in the beauty of the Bride of Christ. For my part, I want to earnestly seek unity within the Body of Christ, not based on externals, but based on faith in the grace of Jesus Christ as the sole means of my justification. Whether my daughter, or yours, wears pants or goes to college is not a salvation issue. Whether or not a family uses contraceptives or not should not be a fellowship issue. Honestly, while these issues are sometimes discussed among friends, I do not hear them spoken of in real life to the degree or frequency as I see on the internet.
And schooling decisions are different the world over. The importance we place on the issue of homeschooling is laughable in a place where the church is being persecuted and can not even meet publicly as believers- places like China, Tajikistan, or Iran.
While I've worked through some of these issues in my writings here at Making Home, I am writing these things here today, because I do not ever want to be a part of projecting an image that says "if you'll just clean yourself up, or do these things, or hold identical convictions to mine, THEN you will be acceptable to God, and to me as a fellow believer." Our salvation is granted by Christ's blood-- completely, 100%. There is nothing we, or our children, can do to merit it. I never want to even hint otherwise.
RANKING CONVICTIONS
At the same time, I know that when we come to personal convictions, we hold them dearly. We see how God has led us to certain "a-ha" moments in life, and we treasure that leading of God's Spirit. And that is right and good, that we value the things God has taught us. And I know that where there is conviction, that issue is often raised to the level of sin in our own estimation, as we are commanded in Scripture to only do those things that we can do in faith. Even while I sit here and write this, I know that there are convictions I have that I would rank more significantly than you might rank those same convictions in your own life, and vice-versa.
WELCOME
But my point is that we have to speak and write about these things with balance and with grace. If our arms and lives and mouths are so full carrying around these personal convictions, how can we truly open up our arms and offer welcome towards those God has put in our path whose non-salvation-oriented convictions differ from our own?
So for me, the issue becomes this: How can we hold our personal convictions securely, and yet gladly be a part of a more diverse Body of Christ?
And I think Romans 15 says some wonderful things on such a point:
"Let each of us please his neighbor for his good, to build him up. For Christ did not please himself... may the God of endurance and encouragement grant you to live in such harmony with one another, in accord with Christ Jesus, that together you may with one voice glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore welcome one another as Christ has welcomed you, for the glory of God."
I want to think on these ideas more--
(1) please our neighbor for HIS good, to build him up
(2) rely on the God of endurance and encouragement to live in harmony
(3) seek to live in harmony with others so that, together, we can glorify God
(4) welcome others, for God's glory
But for now, thoughts? Comments? Christian sister, I would love to hear your reaction to these scattered thoughts I've shared.
welcome mat image: Stoonn / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
shaving image: graur razvan ionut / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
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linda
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Now that Moses is weaned, I'm thinking more carefully about getting my body to a healthy weight and shape again. I noticed more with him than I ever had before (with my other 4 babies) that any "trying" to lose weight significantly affected my milk supply. Thus, I put off any real efforts to lose weight (aside from just making good choices, like following the No S "diet") until I weaned my little man. Well, that happened last week.So last Monday, my mom and I joined Weight Watchers and will work together and hold each other accountable. She's lost 54 pounds with WW before (a subsequent injury and the business of life caught up with her and she's gained it back), and I'm excited about it because it's just thinking carefully while eating real food and living real life. I don't have to buy special food; I don't have to change the kinds of meals I eat (i.e., suddenly supplement 2 meals a day with a shake or something). Choosing meals thoughtfully, with goals in mind, will likely lead to short-term weight loss and long-term weight maintenance while helping me to be more healthy and intentional in the process.
It's been interesting to me to live out this last year of not doing ANYTHING to lose weight, feeling not always thrilled with pictures of myself, having been asked multiple times if I'm pregnant (my baby weight just basically hung on for dear life), and knowing that I'm heavier than I've ever been not-pregnant. America is a very interesting place-- with a mixture of everything from quite obese people to those who are unhealthy in their relationship with food by not eating enough. And the pressures on young women to be sexy, toned, busty, thin, and ___insert description here___, all while going through the demanding season of raising young children are all around us-- magazines, comments from old ladies in the church, television, and internet ads, and they can overwhelm any sense of reason or balance on this issue of weight.
I guess I just want to encourage others out there who are in a difficult place with your weight. Do what you can do be healthy, but do not let the American cultural focus on size 6, 36-26-36, perfect bikini body, yada-yada-yada get you down. Be healthy; take care of your body-- it's the temple of God. But do not raise up this goal and let it become idolatry.
If you are pregnant, or nursing a baby, or taking care of little ones, your time is limited and your body has been affected by these things. And that is OK. Balance and PERSPECTIVE are needful at times like that. There are seasons in a woman's life, and some seasons afford more time and energy than others. And the great news is: even at times when you don't have time to care for your body, you always have time to pray and care for your soul and grow in godliness.
"While bodily training is of some value, godliness is of value in every way, as it holds the promise for the present life and also for the life to come." ~1 Timothy 4:8
The Bible says that bodily exercise profits a little. Just last week, I went to a funeral, and was reminded once again- this body is only a part of me. My SOUL is the unique inner part that will not die. I don't need to ignore my physical health, but most of my focus and energy should be tasked toward making my soul healthy and beautiful, not focused on making my body healthy and beautiful.
"The LORD sees not as man sees:
man looks at the outward appearance, but God looks at the heart."
Do not let a number on a scale or a measurement on a measuring tape obscure the larger aims God has set for your life: Love God. Love others. Do justly. Love mercy. Walk humbly with your God. Bodily exercises profits a little, but strive most to grow in godliness.
Muffin image: Grant Cochrane / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Scale image: sundayhill / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Posted by
linda
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I'm reading a book called "Embracing Soul Care" and finding it to be extremely valuable as I sort through what led to a season of discouragement and exhaustion I hit last winter. I'd like to share some helpful points from it, in hopes that it might encourage or help someone else. First, a quote from the author and former pastor, Stephen W. Smith:"I had preached that the soul needs to be saved, but I didn't know what to do with it after that. I'd hated books about soul care. They meant slowing down and measuring myself by something other than church-growth figures and my salary. Those books asked me to look inside, to pay attention to my soul, and to find my identity in God...
"Rather than care for my soul, I long tried to fill myself through effort and socially acceptable achievements. ... through some difficult experiences I learned that my soul is not an "it." My soul is me--the real me. Your soul is the real you...
"Like a hamster, I got on a wheel and ran and ran. [After I snapped], wreckage flew everywhere as my soul collapsed in upon itself...
"I realized then that unless I actually 'did' what matters most, I would keep on imploding, ruining my life and the lives of those I loved. This journey of exploring what matters most in life is the journey of soul care. I'm still on this journey. I have not arrived."
When I began reading this book, it was a wake-up call for me. I have not yet reached a point of soul implosion, but I don't want to. Too many people are depending on me. I want to be sure to thoughtfully nurture my own heart while walking this road of intentional, heartfelt motherhood.
And maybe that's the case for you, too. We've all seen the cases on the news of mothers who let everything implode... and while there are often many factors, it seems that the implosion often happens because the mother just tried to keep going, despite being mightily unhealthy. These women try to keep putting one foot in front of the other while being unhealthy spiritually, mentally, and/or emotionally... and it spills over into harmful behavior or choices.
We could take this too far, of course, and make "me time" and self-examination an unhealthy focus in our lives. But I think we should try to find a place of balance: not navel-gazing egotism, but also not running ourselves ragged meeting everyone's needs but our own.
I love this quote highlighting the importance of doing what needs doing NOW:
"The best time to plant a tree is twenty years ago. The second best time is now." ~African Proverb
Soul care requires our time and attention. Have you been trying to "do it all" or be "Superwoman" and not taking care of your own needs? Have these quotes highlighted any areas of "drought" in your life? Is this an area that needs your focus, so that you don't end up (like the author wrote) "imploding", ruining your life and the life of everyone you love?
I write this not as some sort of scare tactic, but as a real concern for real moms out there who want to take on the world but forget to care for their own souls. I hope we can learn to walk in balance, both trusting God to meet our needs, but also doing what we can with what we have to stay healthy and nurtured as well.
Thoughts? I welcome your discussion.
Tree image: dan / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Tree in hand: markuso / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
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linda
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Hope you had a good week; we sure did-
You can check out more "7 Quick Takes" @ Jennifer's Conversion Diary. Have a great weekend.
- We just got tons of shots and bloodwork done over the last few days. My left arm really hurts, but wow, the kids did great. The nurses went wild over their self-control and interest in watching all the medical stuff, even in the midst of their own pain... I think there is great value in teaching our kids to be realistic about pain (that it will hurt, but that we can get over it after the initial pain) and self-controlled in their reaction to it. We all benefit from a realistic perspective and a healthy dose of self-control, and docs and nurses greatly appreciate it from children!
We have officially moved into the phase with Moses where I feel like I'm constantly walking around following his every move. It seems like this doesn't normally start so early, but maybe I'm forgetting. These times really pass so quickly, and I'm thankful to know that, because otherwise, I might lose my mind or give in and not bother. :) But it's so worth it to help them learn the "norms" of a home. No, we don't pull random papers off of tables or countertops... we leave remote controls alone... we don't eat plants... we don't shove marbles in our mouths. :) These things take time, but it's so worth it.
Just to prove I don't always do this well, take a look at this picture to the right... Moses got up on a dining room chair and went nuts with a piece of jelly toast. :) He's a smart little sneaker.- Ethan made some corn muffins this week to go with dinner one night, and was so proud of himself. And I was proud of him too. This growing up stuff isn't always easy, and sometimes we get emotional about it as moms, but it's so awesome to see them take on projects and succeed!
- I'm LOVING the counseling class I'm taking... already, I can see how it is going to be helpful for me as a person, to sort through the issues of life more biblically and intentionally. It is so helpful to be challenged and encouraged in ways that contribute to spiritual growth as well as effectiveness within the Body of Christ.
- Having already asked on Facebook and on an internet message board, I might as well ask here-- any thoughts on a Kindle vs. just saving up for an iPad and using the Kindle app? And don't suggest the Nook- I know it's cheaper, but it's not good technology for overseas use, and I've heard that dozens of times over from ex-pat friends, so if I go with an e-reader, it's going to be one of these options. I welcome your thoughts and suggestions.
- I love this quote highlighting the importance of doing what needs doing NOW:
"The best time to plant a tree is twenty years ago. The second best time is now." ~African Proverb
I think as Christian moms, trying to take care of so many different people, soul care is worthy of our time and attention. Have you been trying to "do it all" or be "Superwoman", not taking care of your own needs? There will come a time of burn-out unless we walk hand-in-hand with the Father, letting Him meet our needs as we reach out to love the people around us.Let me encourage you to make time to take care of the part of you that is eternal-- your soul. Nurture it through reading your Bible, spending time talking through your issues before the Father and with people within the Body of Christ too. Take time to learn and grow as a person made in the image of God. Don't just mindlessly walk through routines or assume a "role". Let God do His work in you; submit yourself to His beautiful sanctification! - Here's a great point I read recently, about the way we talk about the Old Testament law--
"We forget that the 'law of Moses' includes teachings like this: 'The LORD, the LORD God, compassionate and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in lovingkindness and faithfulness, Who keeps lovingkindness for thousands of generations..."
God is so good to us, and He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. Sometimes we hear nonsense about the "God of the Old Testament" being different... but God is God. His holiness and judgment stand as they always have (which is why we are so thankful to and obedient toward Christ), and His love never ends.
You can check out more "7 Quick Takes" @ Jennifer's Conversion Diary. Have a great weekend.
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linda
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At some point this week, I will nurse my precious, funny Moses-man for the last time. Doug & I have a trip planned for just the 2 of us (first time in about 8 years), and so I've been slowly winding down our nursing relationship.
It's so bittersweet when these moments of dependence and togetherness come to a close. It's so precious to see their little baby-neediness, at a time when they are also asserting their independence through walking, eating more independently, and such.
God has designed this special way for mothers and babies to be connected with each other and need one another. Breastfeeding is not always possible, but it is such a wonderful design from our loving Father, to bond mothers to babies and babies to mothers. I'm so thankful for this last year of spending time knowing, learning the ways of, and loving my little Moses Henry.
If you are a pregnant mom thinking about breastfeeding, I want to encourage you that while those early nursing sessions can seem long, and while there often are painful moments to persevere through, the first year is so short. It's such a small thing we can give to our babies, and yet God has designed us as moms with this gift to give. God's unique design is still far better than anything men have created to try to replace it. Consider nursing, and consider committing to nurse at least to the one-year mark.
WHO can now say with full confidence that breastfeeding reduces child mortality and has health benefits that extend into adulthood. On a population basis, exclusive breastfeeding for the first six months of life is the recommended way of feeding infants, followed by continued breastfeeding with appropriate complementary foods for up to two years or beyond.Breastmilk is the natural first food for babies, it provides all the energy and nutrients that the infant needs for the first months of life, and it continues to provide up to half or more of a child’s nutritional needs during the second half of the first year, and up to one-third during the second year of life.
The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends:
How long should I breastfeed my baby?
The AAP recommends that babies be exclusively breastfed for about the first 6 months of life. This means your baby needs no additional foods (except Vitamin D) or fluids unless medically indicated. Babies should continue to breastfeed for a year and for as long as is mutually desired by the mother and baby.
I truly am thankful I've been able to nurse each of our 5 children to at least a year old... with my oldest son, he nursed just past 12 months, our second son nursed to 13 & 1/2 months, our daughter was weaned at 14 months, and Silas nursed until he was 18 months old.
Moses just celebrated his 1st birthday, is now walking in his little stumbly, disjointed way, and soon will be completely weaned... it's a wonderful time of growth and a sobering point of independence in his young life.
I want to publicly express my joy, and a bit of bittersweet sadness, that this time is now coming to a close.
Sometimes you hear the stories of early pain, infections, or difficulties with breastfeeding, but we don't often hear the stories of just how precious this relationship is... dependence, connectedness, and shared moments of silence and met needs. It is so sweet to have him contentedly curl up next to me and be satisfied at a time when he is also very physically mobile. To know that he still counts this time with me as a worthwhile time to slow down, snuggle, and have his needs met is meaningful to me. Each time I've weaned a baby, I've felt this bittersweet sense of awareness that they are indeed growing up, and I am very grateful to have this milestone to celebrate.
Be encouraged, pregnant or nursing mom, that it is worth it to press on if you can, to meet your baby's needs in this way. It is worth it!
Posted by
linda
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In the last decade, there's been a clamoring for women to embrace and seek out "me time". Especially moms. Oprah has promoted it, parenting magazines write about it, and online forums debate its merits. I've spent time thinking about the concept over the last few years, wondering in my own mind if it is a biblical concept or not. It is tempting to take a black-and-white approach: embrace the concept entirely, or throw it out entirely.
BALANCE
And here's what I've come to think about "me time": we women have to be balanced and unbiased as we examine our lives and determine what our needs are, and then we need to work to meet our own needs as we meet the needs of others. Sometimes, from secular sources, we can hear voices that tell us to put ourselves first, and to seek self-fulfillment as we walk through life. At the same time, we sometimes "hear" from Christian sources about "self-denial" or "taking up our cross" and can wrongly infer that we are never to take time to meet our own needs.
So, on the one hand, we may be tempted to put too much stock in our own self-- seeking our own fulfillment and happiness at the expense of others that God has given us responsibility for or responsibility to. On the other hand, we may be tempted to be proverbial doormats, falsely believing that anything we desire or need is automatically selfish and that if we seek to meet those needs, we would be displeasing to God.
WHAT SCRIPTURE SHOWS US
The Bible tells us to, "love your neighbor AS YOU LOVE YOURSELF" (Lev. 19:18, 34; Mt. 19:19; Mt. 22:39; Rom 13:9), the implication, of course, being that we know how to and do love ourselves. The assumption here is that we meet our own needs and care for our own souls... this is to be an example for us as we seek to love others-- we should show them the same concern that we show for our own selves.
The example of Jesus also speaks volumes to us as we seek to rightly balance the call of "me time" with true soul care. Many times in Scripture Jesus sought time alone to pray:
- Just after miraculously feeding the thousands, Jesus is found praying alone. (Luke 9:18)
- When troubled and with a heavy heart, Jesus removed Himself even from His closest friends and spent time alone with the Father in prayer in Gethsemane. (Matt. 26: 36-39)
- In the midst of a heavy season of ministry, Jesus rose "very early in the morning, while it was still dark" to go to a "desolate place" for prayer and solitude, and yet left the solitude to continue on in ministry. (Mark 1:35-38)
- In Luke's version of the scene of Jesus & His disciples praying at Gethsemane, we get this added bit of information: "he came out and went, as was His custom". He habitually spent time in solitude and prayer. (Luke 22:39)
- In one particularly demanding time, Jesus got away by Himself, but when the crowds followed Him anyway with their demands, He "had compassion on them" and met their needs. (Matt. 14:13-14)
SEASONS OF WOMANHOOD
As women and as mothers, there are varying seasons.
Younger women, not yet married, or those without children, have varying degrees of "free" time or opportunities for quiet.
Many of you are in the earliest years of motherhood, with one baby, or with several little ones, all of whom require your full attention. I understand it can be very difficult to find time for solitude during that stage!
I myself am in a middle stage-- with elementary age kids down to our baby-- and I can sometimes make time for solitude, but have very rare opportunities for silence. I'm in a noisy season, for sure, and it doesn't look like that's going to change anytime soon.
My best friend is 42, and is in a different stage than I. Her 5 kids range from 12-21, and she has much more time for quiet contemplation and study than I currently do. She's busy, running from here to there, but she has much more solitude and silence.
My own mother has a quiet home, as my brother and I are both adults with our own families, and yet she has a massive workload, with many demands on her time, so while she has "quiet", she doesn't have much time.
"EXAMINE YOURSELVES"
We are always adjusting from one season to another, and I think we need to examine ourselves thoughtfully. The Bible encourages us to soberly assess our lives. Some of us tend toward self-denial (even to the detriment of our health & sanity-- think of mothers who have mental breakdowns), and some of us tend toward self-gratification (even to the detriment of our family & budget-- think of mothers who rack up debt, ruin their marriages, or hurt their children in their pursuit for self-fulfillment)... we each have to examine our own hearts and search out what is true, and what God would have us do.
When we examine ourselves, we may find sinful motivations, but we will also uncover genuine needs.
I am not able to tell you your needs, and you are likely not able to tell me mine... but we all have One to Whom we can run who knows us perfectly. And amazingly, He Himself knows our weaknesses! And He can help us discern when we are being wrongly selfish, and when we are foolishly burning ourselves out.
As a human man, Jesus felt physically exhausted. Christ-- The Messiah-- Himself needed to get away for prayer and solitude! And then there were times when He put aside His own desire for solitude in order to have compassion on and serve others. We can trust Him to help us as we seek to rightly assess our needs.
Think about what your needs really are... ask God to show you. If you are in a season of high demands, you will need to think more carefully about how to meet your own needs than someone who is in a less-demanding season. On airplanes, they tell you to "put on your own oxygen mask before you seek to help others", and I think for moms in the throes of high-demand seasons, that is a very wise piece of advice. Today, I read this (from a book, "Embracing Soul Care"):
"It is alarming how often leaders crash and burn... burnout is also the hazard of parents, medical practitioners... and anyone who cares for the needs of others. Many of us... don't know when to let ourselves breathe first. ... We want to see other people breathe so badly that we neglect our own air, falsely assuming that we'll take a breath when it's needed. The result is incredible stress, compassion fatigue, and emotional exhaustion."
Don't burn yourself out when there are little ones depending on you!
And on the other hand, we look at Christ's sacrificing of Himself for others and know there is beauty in denial of self.
SO, WHAT ABOUT "ME TIME"?
My encouragement to you is to remember both truths: Jesus Himself got away and refueled during the difficult seasons of His life... and yet, Jesus sacrificed Himself for others when He saw their needs.
Examine your life thoughtfully, and see if there are needs going unmet in a way that is going to lead to burnout and exhaustion. If so, consider how you might better "feed" your soul. Is there a time you can carve out to spend time in solitude, go for a prayer walk, read your Bible, or get some exercise in, so that you are refueling in healthy ways?
For those who tend towards too much "me time", look around you and see where God might stir up compassion in your heart for the needy people around you. Just as Jesus spent time refueling and then was willing to lay aside His solitude for the benefit of others, consider how He might use your "plenty" to overflow into the needs of others.
May He give us all wisdom as we seek to find balance in our lives, love others, and honor Christ above all!
Image: healingdream / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Posted by
linda
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For the breastfeeding mom, mastitis is a common infection that can hurt like the dickens and be quite discouraging if you don't nip it in the bud. Additionally, if not dealt with quickly, your nipples may crack and bleed, which only exacerbates the pain that was felt from the actual infection & inflammation.With my first baby (born 9 years ago today!), he got out of the hospital on day 7 (he had been in the NICU w/ pneumonia), and I had mastitis from when he was 8 days old all the way past when he was one month old. It was horrible. I remember sitting down to nurse Ethan, and crying every time because the pain was so bad. It was near-constant pain, and the latch-on and nursing process only intensified it. I have had mastitis with every single baby we've had, but never as bad as with Ethan because I learned what helps and have worked very hard in subsequent times to nip it in the bud right away.
So if you're facing mastitis, I probably know what you're feeling. It hurts, and it's discouraging. But you can treat it and help it go away, and if you press through, you will reap the benefits of your own tenacity & endurance, and be able to go on to a successful breastfeeding relationship!
Let me share with you what helps me:
So if you're facing mastitis, I probably know what you're feeling. It hurts, and it's discouraging. But you can treat it and help it go away, and if you press through, you will reap the benefits of your own tenacity & endurance, and be able to go on to a successful breastfeeding relationship!
Let me share with you what helps me:
- Use hot compresses-- just before, and just after nursing, for about 20 minutes each time. What I do for that is a near-scalding hot washcloth (shaked out in the air just for a second to make it uber-hot but not scalding), covered up with a hand towel immediately, on each side, and then a bath towel over both sides. The towels help to retain the heat of the washcloth. After you remove the compresses, let your breasts air dry before putting your bra or clothes on over them.
- I always nurse first on the side that hurts most. And if there's a particular side that hurts more (like, if the underside hurts most and is red), I angle it so that the baby's tongue/bottom of their mouth is directly positioned on that part of the breast. So, I'll use the football hold, cross over hold, laying side by side, or whatever, to get them into the best position to stimulate the part that hurts most.
- Ibuprofen & Tylenol, alternating round-the-clock.
- Rest, rest, rest, and rest some more. Do as little as you possibly can besides nursing and sleeping. This one is perhaps the most important. Rest, wake up to nurse, rest, rest, rest, nurse some more, and repeat until the infection is gone.
- Nurse slightly *more* often than you would normally do. Drain your breasts as completely as possible, and use your thumb to massage any hard lumps/spots to get the milk out.
- DO NOT WEAR UNDERWIRE. This is often a trigger for mastitis, as it presses right on certain ducts and can perpetuate the problem. Wear a soft cotton nursing or sports bra.
- If you are using nursing pads, change them often.
- If fever persists for more than 24 hours, call your doctor, as you may require antibiotics. I wish I'd have known to do this with my first bout. It wouldn't have lasted near as long as it did if I had called my doc earlier than I did.
OK, that's my brain dump about what helps me when I deal with mastitis... I hope it helps you. Mastitis can be a discouraging development while breastfeeding, but treat it quickly, and persevere; you can still go on to enjoy a very successful breastfeeding relationship! Hang in there!
If you have had mastitis and have tips that can help other moms, please share your thoughts in the comments.
If you're wondering why I'm writing about this, no, I don't have mastitis now. I'm just trying to get these things out on "paper" while I still remember them. I know the day will likely come when I no longer have little ones and may not be able to remember all these particulars. So, I'm writing them out now, in hopes that it can help others.
