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:)  Even starting this post, I feel a sense of pressure- I want to express myself clearly, but not hurt the heart of the woman facing infertility, and not criticize or sit in judgment of the mom of two.

I want to share some of the blessings of having a large family, and not come across as if I don't count the cost.  I want to share some of the challenges and not scare away women who are already hearing fearful messages about motherhood from culture.  But I'll just do the best I can, and trust God to use this sharing for good in your heart and mine, and for His glory.

I want to share what God has taught me, how He has changed me, and how the landscape around me has changed, as our family has grown.


Please read this as a personal tome and not as a prescriptive tutorial.

A LARGE FAMILY?
When we married, we knew that we would be large-family weirdos.  :)

Well, let me take that back... I had been told by my gynecologist at age 16 that I had poly-cystic ovaries and would have difficulty getting pregnant, and might not even be able to have children.  Doug knew that going in.  So we knew there might be obstacles.


But still, we talked about large families and having lots of children, and both of us were "in" for that vision before we married.  We weren't super-spiritual people... by that I mean, we didn't have outward vestiges of holiness.  I'd dated around and been reckless and rebellious for years of my life (in ways I now regret), and he was a hippie artist from a divorced family who drove a VW camper van.  While we were both genuinely children of God, we were singed and scarred from having the majority of our worldview influenced by the world and culture around us.

Somehow, though, we both loved children and both loved Scripture and entered marriage with hearts open to the possibility of having lots of children.  Whenever we expressed that shared desire to people, we got a lot of responses like, "yeah, just wait until you have one or two...", which made me sad.  It is truly sad that Christian people try to dampen the vision and desires God puts on the heart of two young people.


Nonetheless, despite our open hearts, God had a lot of self-importance and career-idolatry (both for me, with politics, and for Doug, with painting) to move out of our hearts, which he did in those early years, and still does from time to time (just last week, I had this daydream of being a Senator...).  :)

BABY #1
Jumping ahead to parenthood, to move the story along, after a difficult first baby labor and delivery, and after deciding to stay home with him, I purposed to enjoy every single minute with Ethan.  And I really did.  At his first birthday party, I remember reflecting back and being so thankful that I'd tried to listen to the wisdom of older moms: "take time to enjoy him; they grow so fast!" The biggest lesson of that first baby was that it's not about me... everything took longer and I had a different body and different life than I'd had going into it, but when I welcomed the newness and reveled in the changes, seeking wisdom as needed, there was inexpressible joy.  


Focusing outward (on others) rather than inward (on myself) was a wonderfully freeing change of attitude.  I still was a crummy housekeeper and a terrible cook, but I was learning some things about being a loving wife & mom.

BABY #2
Soon I was pregnant with Baxter, and he too was a welcomed blessing in our lives and hearts.  New lessons came with him: with a natural delivery and immediate breastfeeding (which I wasn't able to do with Ethan, as he had been whisked away to the NICU for a week) came an influx of hormones and attachment/bonding that I hadn't experienced so easily with Ethan.  There were so many physical and hormonal benefits that I hadn't known the first time around.  I internalized the truth that God made our bodies to work so wonderfully!  

I also began learning about prioritizing needs, as all moms of more than one inevitably have to learn. :)

MISCARRIAGES
When Baxter was about a year old, I got pregnant again, only to start bleeding about 2 days later.  It was an early miscarriage-- the kind that doctor's offices irreverently term "chemical pregnancies".  Thankfully, by this point, God had firmly convinced Doug and I of His good sovereignty, and I felt certain, even in the midst of the physical process of miscarrying, that God would give us the children He meant for us to have.  I still believe that.  That does not mean I didn't hurt, but I really did have a quiet confidence in God's goodness despite present circumstances.


The next month, to our surprise, I was pregnant again.  5 days later, I miscarried yet again.  People around me thought I was crazy, I think, for not being uncontrollably emotional about these two losses, but I held fast to confidence in God.  I knew He had not abandoned me and would make something beautiful of this. 

BABY #3
The next month, I got pregnant with our beautiful Maranatha.

No one questioned our decision to get pregnant for a third time.  I think it seemed natural to people; "oh, you finally got your girl."  We'd smile and think, "Lord willing, we're not stopping here, but thank you."  :)

While pregnant with her, we packed up our home, sold most everything we owned, and moved to the opposite side of the world, to China.  She was born in Thailand.

Having a daughter certainly gave me a different sense of responsibility as a woman than I'd previously experienced, with the boys.

I felt that I needed to understand what the Bible teaches about being a woman even better, that I needed to be a godly example for my daughter, not only of personal holiness, but of grace and kindness.  The Bible talks of a "gentle and quiet spirit" and I'd always seen myself as having a forceful, passionate, and loud spirit, LOL.  I needed to be able to help her understand how to navigate the natural biological functions of womanhood, the biblical roles of womanhood, and our culture's views of women.  I began thinking and reading about these things more.  This blog was started, in a large part, because of my grappling with these things as I strove to understand what God means for women, regardless of culture, and what God means for Christian women, here in this culture.


During this time, too, Doug got sick.  The LORD taught us so much about suffering, problems, and pain.  We learned to trust Him when we were smack-dab in the middle of a season of suffering.  We did not know how it was going to end, but we grew dependent on the LORD.


BABY #4
That summer, as things leveled out with Doug's health, we moved to Istanbul and found out the same week that we were expecting Silas, our little stowaway.  :)

Reactions to this pregnancy were decidedly different than I'd experienced before.  Friends were excited but still asked, "so this was a surprise, right?"  Relatives' reactions ranged from pleasant to "oh no!" and "Well, if you're happy about it, then congratulations."  Having a 4th baby seemed so intentional, I guess.  :)  So much like embracing insanity.  :)  So "in your face"... like deliberately choosing something so unnecessary.  But we looked at the precious smiles, and sweet moments with each of our 3 unique children and knew that God was right-- children are truly a wonderful blessing.

While these were some of the most tender and sweet days, I admittedly was entering what would be the most difficult season of my life thus far.  In a small apartment, in a new culture, without language skills, with four children 6 and under, my days were mostly eaten up with physical tasks- tying shoes, making chicken spaghetti, breastfeeding, picking up army men, changing diapers, putting on coats, pouring cups of milk, snuggling.

My blog became to me a place to outpour all of the thoughts I'd stored up through each day (this was 2007-2008).

Even in the midst of wonderful times with our children, I faced personal discouragement, and when two old friends came to visit me (separately), I realized how much I had changed, though I still couldn't express in what ways I was different.  I was grappling with how to lovingly train my children, cutting anger out of my heart, my role in and out (?) of our home, choosing contentment, and learning hospitality.  Living overseas, despite the fact that we were often hosting large groups in our home, loneliness and isolation were real and present concerns in my life at that time.  OH, how I longed for a good friend.


I read and felt the truth of Isaiah 40:11: "He gently leads those who are with young."  God looks at those who are with young through gentle, tender eyes, and He knows we are made of dust.  I took to heart His kindness, and grew more dependent upon Him.

God's Word became more precious to me, and God used all these struggles to break me of my sense of pride and self-reliance.  I hadn't realized it before, but I had skated through my early years of child-rearing in my own strength.  I gave cursory nods to God in prayer or by trying to apply Scripture, but I still carried it all out in my own strength, confident in my own abilities.  During this time of struggle, God showed me how much I had taken glory in my own talents and strength.  He stripped me of the sense that I had it all together.  And I thank Him for it... I still work to not fall back into the thought pattern of self-reliance.

ANOTHER MISCARRIAGE
When Silas was about a year old, we learned that we were expecting again, when we were about 2 weeks out from a move.  Thankfully, a moving company came to pack and physically move our belongings, so I didn't have to lift things, etc., but it was still a stressful, unsettled time.

I believe it was the day after our move that I began miscarrying, at about 7 weeks along, 2 weeks farther along than our other miscarriages had been.  Certainly this was more difficult, emotionally, as I'd   had more time to get excited about the baby coming.  But physically, it was much more difficult than the previous 2 miscarriages.  I was spent, utterly exhausted.  Silas was still nursing many times a day, I was homeschooling Ethan, taking Turkish language lessons, and I had a house to unpack and organize, and new neighbors to meet.

Here is where God ministered to me through my husband.

We had previously thought through various stances concerning birth control, and come to the belief that in general, for us, fertility and family should be our default position.  Biologically (generally speaking), God has given women a long window of fertility, and he has put our hormonal levels of desire at the very point in our cycle when we are most fertile.  It seems straightfoward to us that God set it up so we would (on the whole) be fruitful.

However, unlike what some people call a "quiverfull" mentality, we also believe that we are to be thoughtful stewards of our bodies, souls, and families, like anything else.  He who starts building a tower without considering the cost is reckless.  Doug Wilson comes the closest to explaining our point of view in this article, which is similar to how a farmer views stewardship of the fruitfulness on his land: BIRTH CONTROL.  (My favorite quote: "A man can have a high view of apple trees and still not plant them a foot and a half apart in his orchard.") Children are wonderful, AND we are stewards.  Consider carefully, AND trust God.  Both/And.  Anyway, moving on...

At that time when I felt used up, post-miscarriage, mid-move, and with four children six and under, Doug "lived with his wife in an understanding way."  He determined that we would take measures to prevent pregnancy for a time-- both to allow my body to rest and heal, but also to allow me the opportunity I'd not ever had-- to nurse a baby for as long as both he and I desired to do so (after my two miscarriages while nursing Baxter, I'd always weaned ASAP once I found out I was pregnant).  We made it to 18 months, when Silas began weaning, and I enjoyed about a 6-month "rest" (though I know to some people that sounds absurd-- that with four children, and a nursing baby, I was resting, nevertheless, and at the end of those six months, I felt like a new woman).


Through Doug's love for me, understanding my heart, and meeting my needs, I saw another picture of Christ loving the Church, tending to her, caring for her, protecting her in her weakness.   He loved me and cared for me and it fed my soul and allowed us to steward what God had given us well.

BABY #5
We prayerfully decided to again be open to children, and like a true "Fertile Myrtle" :), I got pregnant with Moses.  This time was different.  Pressures of life overseas, limitations of living in an apartment, the expense of traveling (either for vacation or to see family), the weight of childrearing without any support from a nearby family member or friend willing to occasionally help lift the load... we knew something would have to give, and for the first time, I experienced pregnancy considering the possibility that it might be the last.

Even with painfully sharp ligament spasms, and normal pregnancy "ailments", I sought to again enjoy every part of it-- the first flutters, the full-on kicks, the sonograms, the labor, and the delivery... and I did.  Someday I'll write about my last 3 labor experiences; I intended to years ago, and should do so soon.  My labor with and delivery of Moses was quite different from all the others.

Anyway, he was such a precious addition to our family, and for the first time, really, I got to experience some of the absolute outright joys of large family life.

First of all- people didn't criticize us anymore (namely, those same relatives who had rude comments the 4th time around), at least not to our faces. :)  Maybe they finally realized we were going to do what we were going to do without considering their disdain or disapproval of our "choices", and so they began embracing each personality as individual and began seeing us as a unique family, too... not just a carbon copy of theirs, and not something to be compared or contrasted to theirs... just unique.

But what was most overwhelmingly new about this time was that our older two boys-- eight and six years old-- really began entering in to the enjoyment of baby Moses in a new way.

Instead of solely being like a small young sibling, just asking when they would be able to play, and learning to help by bringing diapers and such, they actually began saying things like, "mom, did you see the way he scrunches up his cheeks when he smiles?"  Or, "oh, mom, he's so cute; I can't imagine a cuter baby in the whole world."  Or, "have you seen him _______?"  They began interacting with him in ways that previously only Doug and I had done-- they were able to see and watch him every day and relate to him more like how we as adults related to him- doting on him, noticing all his cute details, treasuring moments of just holding and snuggling this newborn baby as the unique times that they are.

It was amazing to us to see how much they loved him, how much he meant to them.  Truly, it softened and shaped their hearts in a way that surprised me.  There was something decidedly different about having older children around with a newborn than there had been about having a bunch of little ones close together.  Though that had been fun and special in its own right, this was even better.  I began to see how God has designed for us to learn about and know about family life... I knew Ethan and Baxter would be better fathers for having experienced the delight and wonder of Moses as a newborn.

WHAT ELSE WAS/AM I LEARNING?
In bullet-point form, here are a few things:

• to embrace and accept the chaos of daily life
• that messes are made very fast, and pile up quickly, in a large family
• that messes are cleaned up quickly and easily, when we all work together, in a large family
• to enjoy moments of quiet but not feed in my heart an unhealthy appetite for them (i.e., "me-time")
• to depend on the LORD and look to Him for guidance and trust that He will give it
• to rest in God, looking to Him as the source of acceptance in my life, and not expect it or look for it from other humans
• to care for my own soul, being a godly steward of it
• that children really are a blessing.  Each of our children brings something so special to our family life (Ethan- curiosity, enthusiasm, and wonder, Baxter- hilarity, acceptance of others, and softhearted faithful friendship, Maranatha- artistry, tenderness, and passion, Silas- our funny, sensitive, snuggly little squishball :), and Moses- the baby who we are all convinced is the most precious in the world), and we truly can't (and wouldn't want to!) imagine life without them.  Each personality God has brought into our family's life has enriched each of us and added color and joy to our family.  
• Each child does not just "add" to the love in our family- they multiply the love, as we each develop a new relationship with this new person.  When we married, there was one relationship in our home-- the one between Doug & I.  With the addition of Ethan, there were 3 relationships-- with Doug & I, Doug & Ethan, and Ethan & I.  With the addition of this 6th baby, there will be 28 relationships going on (simultaneously!) in our home.  That is a lot of love, a lot of learning, a lot of sanctification, a lot of relationship.  So many opportunities to experience love, seek & express forgiveness, learn to understand others' perspectives, serve one another.  I praise God for this!
• that I am not going to be magically "zapped" with biblical wisdom and insight-- if I am going to be a wise and godly woman, wife, mother, and friend, it will come with discipline and purpose on my part, as I yield to God, letting Him instruct my heart.
• that my role as the wife & mom in a large family will only be eternally successful if I quit relying on my own strength and yet, as unto the LORD, purposefully grow in skill and wisdom, walking in the Spirit, and trusting God for the outcome.

"Does your spiritual life sometimes seem more like a burden than a blessing?  Does your spirituality seem to exhaust you as often as it refreshes you?  Have your spiritual practices become "just another thing to do" in an already overcrowded, stress-filled schedules? If so, then you need to simplify your spiritual life." ~Donald S. Whitney

Have you ever blown an engine?  We did, once.  It was embarrassing... it was a very, very old vehicle and we had gone a few additional weeks than we should've without checking (and then recognizing the need to replenish) the oil supply.  The effects are disastrous-- once you blow an engine, it is pretty much worthless, all because the oil wasn't properly maintained and things weren't able to move and flow like they should've.


After telling the story of a time he blew an engine, Stephen W. Smith, author of Embracing Soul Care, puts it this way:

"The blown engine became an important symbol in our lives.  In the midst of busyness and ministry, I had not maintained my van.  It was now too late to simply get a read on the engine by checking the dipstick.  It was an expensive mistake.  The van needed a replacement engine.  That weekend, as the van's engine was replaced, I looked at my own internal engine.  The state of my soul was crying out for some serious maintenance.   The soul functions much like a car's engine.  If we want to function properly for life's long haul, we need to check our soul's dipstick." 

If you were to "check the dipstick" of your soul, what would be the reading?  Would you be well-oiled, with things running well in your life?  Would you be a few quarts low?  Would you be bone dry and about to blow?

In what ways could you rescue your souls from burnout by performing regular "dipstick checks" and keeping up more intentional "maintenance" of your soul?  Do you need to do like Donald Whitney wrote, and "simplify your spiritual life"?





Image: hinnamsaisuy / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Many times in our years overseas, I walked through "valley" times.  During those 6 years, I had 3 babies, miscarried one, lived in 10 residences (that's if you only count the ones we lived in for 2 months or longer), learned how to cook, began learning how to clean house, began homeschooling, started learning Mandarin, and became nearly fluent in Turkish, and probably did many other stress-inducing things too that just aren't coming to mind @ present.  There were often times when I was juggling multiple items I've just listed while walking through what has been termed "deserts of the soul".  (Not to be confused with desserts of the soul which sounds tasty & desirable.)


Believing 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 to be true, I want to share some of the things that comforted me when I was "parched and dry".

1. Remember that God is near.
2. Remember that God sees the big picture.
3. Remind yourself of the big picture.
4. Do what is needful/Make your life as sane as possible.

"Know for certain that your offspring will be sojourners in a land that is not theirs and will be servants there, and they will be afflicted for four hundred years.  But I will bring judgment on the nation that they serve, and afterward they shall come out with great possessions."

(4) Do what is needful/make your life as sane as possible-- On this point, I think this is something that some people do naturally, so you may be thinking, "yeah, duh", but other people might see this as self-seeking & wrong.  Several of God's commands to us (i.e., "love your neighbor as yourself") assume that we care for ourselves.  We are right to meet our own needs with the resources God has given us.  Sometimes God has a purpose for us and intends for us to stay in the desert, but sometimes we can take a different "road" and hightail it out of the desert.

A hot bath, or taking 20 minutes to read, might be just the thing you need to relax.  Spending time listening to an audio Bible could be a great thing to "re-tank" while you do routine tasks.  Consider what plans or routines might help you be more sane-- a meal plan? A chore chart for your kids to help shoulder the load?  A plan for dealing more intentionally with the laundry mountain?  Perhaps you don't have a good sleep routine for your kiddos and could really benefit from a few weeks of careful training in this area so that you and your husband could have regular times together in the evenings.  What things can you build into your life that will help you, over the long haul, manage things well & stay sane?  Do those things.

Sometimes making these kinds of changes will propel you out of the desert, and other times, it will simply make the desert more survivable.  Either one of these is a good thing.



OK, I think these are some of the things God has taught me in the "down" times of life.  I hope this will help others who are in need of some relief from the dry and weary land.

Image: TeddyBear[Picnic] / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

The character in Hinds' Feet on High Places starts out her allegorical journey with the name "Much Afraid", but after learning to run and leap and jump through the mountain crags all the way up to the heights, meets with her Shepherd who gives her a new name-- "Contentment with Joy". I would love for contentment to be a strong theme of my life; too often, I don't have that attitude.

Since it's been more than 10 months since I last shared links, I have about thirty gazillion links saved in my bookmarks folder to share with you all... and it's really getting ridiculous. So, even pared down, here's a quite large collection of what I think of, or at one time thought of, as interesting, worthwhile, or challenging reading. Also, I'll punctuate it with pictures of my cute kids, just because I can. Enjoy!

LIFE AT HOME

• Encouraging words on loving our husbands sexually
• Tim Challies' series on leadership in the home
• Perfectionism is POISONOUS in our approach to parenting-- an excellent reminder!
• Tips for time with God with a bunch of little ones in your home
• Hospitality tips (by an "amateur")
• Ever considered switching to a "family closet"? It's an interesting idea.
• Thinking up baby names? This website that visually tracks name popularity is WAY cool.
• Large-family myth busting
• Pregnancy is hard: valuable reflections from a young mom
• A friend of mine writes about marriage to a difficult man
• Feeling the pinch of a double income?
• How do you afford all those children? -- a GREAT series (Part one, Part two, Feeding a family of 8 for $300/month- WOW!)
• Parenting a large family: What It Is and What It's Not
• An interesting series for today's culturally-affected church: Pornifying the Marriage Bed
• Flirting with your husband
• Raising kids who eat well
• When to Stand & When to Hide: a mom of many shares wisdom about setting boundaries about your pregnancies & family life
• "I don't want my children to be happy"
• Life on the Fringe-- encouragement for those making unusual choices
• Mothering as a monastic-type existence: an interesting comparison-- here's a quote: "a mother raising children, perhaps in a more privileged way even than a professional contemplative, is forced, almost against her will, to constantly stretch her heart. For years, while raising children, her time is never her own, her own needs have to be kept in second place, and every time she turns around a hand is reaching out and demanding something."

HOMESCHOOLING

• 1 Corinthians 13 for homeschool moms
• Renee shares her experiences homeschooling older adopted children
• My friend Carletta wrote a free e-book, Seven Secrets of Finding the Right Homeschool Curriculum
• Homeschools qualify for this free giveaway: 12 hour DVD series on American history
  
• A nice collection of free homeschooling materials
• Free online crossword-puzzle-maker
• Free handwriting worksheet maker
  
• Homeschooling is not expensive!

EVERYDAY LIFE & ITS STRUGGLES

• Feeling burned out?
• Struggling with contentment?
• Are you carrying a load meant for you or trying to carry a burden too big for you alone? This was a helpful distinction for me.
• Do you believe IN God, or do you believe God? -- the difference a word can make.

CRAFTING AND COOKING

• Ladies'-skirt-to-toddlers'-dress transformation
• An entire blog of free tutorials!
• A collection of from-scratch recipes and homemade ingredients!
• Make your own table playtent! This is such a neat idea... next time I get a completely free few hours, LOL...
• Creative clothes-patching
• Keep the kitchen clean while you cook-- now if I could just master THIS advice!
• The black apple doll tutorial-- this doll is just precious, and looks pretty easy to make!

SOCIAL, RELIGIOUS, POLITICAL, OR OTHERWISE INTERESTING ISSUES

• Woman performs abortion while pregnant with same-aged baby - You may have already seen this, but it's worth reading for some quite clear perspective on the abortion issue.
• For Women Considering an Abortion
• "The Two Lists"-- my friend Jennifer shares her thoughts on abortion & the mental separation between sex & fertility
• Mugged by ultrasound-- why abortion clinic workers are increasingly becoming pro-life
• "Gendercide": The War on Baby Girls
• Even former-sex-symbol Raquel Welch sees the problems of an oversexualized, undercommitted culture
• Despite the feminist revolution, "women are getting gloomier"
• Mark Dever shares his observations about the differences between young & old complementarians
• Here's a Thomas Sowell interview on gov't, society, feminism, and more... he's always interesting.
• Sexual assault on women soldiers
• God watches you as you google.
• Man in "vegetative state" for twenty-three years heard every word
• Ever read the story of the eight-cow-wife?
• BEHIND THE VEIL: an intriguing look into the lives of Afghan women -- these videos are fascinating and worth your time.
• This famous atheist knows better than some Christians what it means to BE a Christian

AND, IN TRUE MAKING HOME TRADITION, SOMETHING FUNNY TO FINISH OFF THIS LINKFEST:

• Girls-dress-to-man's-shirt tutorial-- Even if you've never sewed a button, trust me; if you need a laugh, you want to click on this.

When I initially chose this blog name, we were living in our 5th place in a year's time, and though we had only lived abroad for 5 months, we were already setting up our 2nd overseas home. Little did I know that God had a plan for us to move another 4 times in the next 4 years, one of them being just a couple weeks ago. "Making Home" has been quite an apt theme for this season of my life.

I just want to share a few of the things God has taught us during this season of unplanned, unexpected, very frequent moves.

GOD IS SO VERY FAITHFUL-- TO US AND TO OUR CHILDREN!
The other day, I happened upon a conversation where someone was having to move for the second time in their children's lives. They were concerned about the psychological impact of moving on their children. And it is something to consider... this is not a "pro-move-as-much-as-you-can" sort of blog post. Having to move, leave friends, set up a new normal, even learn new languages or cultures... it's not easy or ideal or something we would have sought at all.

But one thing I have learned is that God is so faithful. He really doesn't give us more than we can bear (1 Cor 10:13). He is gentle with those that are with young (Isa 40:11). He is faithful to the thousandth generation. Our kids are not an afterthought for Him. He planned their existence, our lives, and their existence as part of our lives, before the foundations of the world. We can trust Him to use all things (even unexpected-- even undesired-- moves) for good.

HE IS OUR PROVIDER
In every place we have lived... whether the 6th floor walk-up apartment in China with the faucet that either trickled scalding water or sprayed freezing water... or the Thai bungalow with feuding, hissing lizards on the ceiling... or our last apartment with the squawking birds that resided in the eaves of the roof just outside our bedroom door and chose the worst times (11pm or 5am-- really!) to squawk... He has given us good and delightful things that did not exist in the other places. Our funny-showered Chinese apartment sat in a valley of sorts and was surrounded on 3 sides with layered ridges of mountains. The Thai bungalow sat above a lush garden filled with amazing trees and flowers, and is where we spent the first four weeks with our precious daughter and allowed us the opportunity to celebrate our older two sons' birthdays with elephant rides. And yes, those squawking birds took residence in the eaves... but those eaves were located above an unusually large enclosed balcony where our children could play soccer and throw balls and get out their energy, even in cold or rainy weather, when we lived in a neighborhood with no park nearby.

He has blessed us, in different ways, in each home He has given. The Father has been so faithful to provide and show Himself mighty on our behalf.

THE LORD WILL KEEP YOUR GOING OUT AND YOUR COMING IN, FROM THIS TIME FORTH AND FOREVERMORE. ~Psalm 121:8
From that home I described earlier-- with the funny shower options--, the place where I first chose this blog name, "Making Home", until today, this verse has been posted on a little card on the back of our front door. It reminds me that there is nowhere I can go where I am out of His keeping and His care. He truly does keep us and lead us, and we can rest in Him. So no matter where He has you, or where He takes you, I just wanted to take this opportunity to encourage you with the ways that I've found Him faithful through our many-homed life. He is good, and (even if it includes some odd details or unplanned locales,) I believe He will faithfully provide for you and your family .

I don't know if you're like me, but when shoe shopping, I find that I drift towards the same kinds of shoes. For me it's not too fancy, not too flashy-- maybe fun, probably cute, but most of all practical.

I have shoes on my mind tonight because I was thinking of how different shoes make us feel. How shoes can change a person. Cinderella. Elle on Legally Blonde. Forest Gump.

Remember that song, "these boots were made for walking, and that's just what they'll do. One of these days, these boots are gonna walk all over you."? When I see modern feminists do the stand-up-for-my-rights-at-all-costs thing, it comes across like this song. No matter who's hurt, no matter how it feels to others, no matter whether it's clearly wrong, I'm gonna put on these boots and doggone it, I'll walk where I please.

Then I thought about John the Baptist's assessment of himself in relation to Christ-- "I'm not even worthy to untie his sandal straps." He recognized Christ's supremacy... and it made him aware of his own role as lower than a servant.

Even though the first attitude is deemed laudable in our culture (particularly for women!), in God's economy, servanthood, self-control, putting others first, submission, giving honor to others, thinking of how others should be treated... these things are esteemed. For men and women. I don't often esteem them, but I want to.

I guess this here is my little confession for the night: I want to learn more about servanthood. I may not ever be what I ought to be, but by the grace from the Father and the inner working of the Spirit, He can make me more like Jesus-- the ultimate servant.

A "SUCCESSFUL" DAY?
Today, we outwardly had a "successful" day. We made Christmas crafts, decorated the tree, and even had time to make and eat a really tasty cake. But too often, my attitude was cross and strained... and it poured over into what I saw reflected in the eyes and words of the kids throughout the day. I want to serve and love them as they ought to be loved.

I don't want to be the mom, the wife, or the woman who "stands up for my rights" first and foremost.... not that it's wrong to have rules or standards-- don't misread my words. But my attitude should be that of a servant. One who thinks of others' needs first.

Today I didn't do that. But by God's grace, tomorrow I get another shot. And with His help, I might just do better than I did today.

If you are one who loves Christ, who desires to see people come and know Him, and longs to find her purpose in the world, let me commend to you the role of mother.

If you are a young woman who has been told all the horrors and sob stories of colic and tantrums and have somehow missed hearing about the joy of raising up interesting, unique individual men and women who will know and serve God, let me commend to you the role of mother.

If you are a gal of my generation, who was told you could "be anything you wanted to be" without ever even having it be hinted that that "anything" might include being "everything" to some little people, let me commend to you the role of mother.

If you are a lady who wants to change the world and make it a better place, let me commend to you the role of mother.

If you are someone who desires to impact people in a huge way, help others to overcome difficulties and find their strengths and God-given abilities, so that they might in turn serve God & contribute to this glorious world in a more weighty manner, let me commend to you the role of mother.

Mothers...

• ... have the opportunity to impact lives, day-in, day out-for 18+ years, more time than any professor or doctor or preacher or counselor will ever be able to have in the lives of the people they seek to impact.
• ... have the privilege to study and know their children so that they can train, counsel, and encourage them as they grow towards adulthood
• ... are given the blessing and responsibility of connecting deeply and wonderfully with their children in ways that are virtually impossible with the world at large.
• ... have the opportunity to love and be loved in a way that is entirely distinct from any other sort of relationship.
• ... are able to change the world through a mastery of various fields and talents that they themselves do not possess, as they spur on and encourage their children to find their God-given place of service.
• ... are able to teach and train and sharpen and shape and guide and gear their children in ways that will forever alter human history.
• ... have the privilege of praying with intimate understanding for the hearts and lives of people from the very beginning of their existence.
• ... have a purposeful career designed by God Himself, with His assistance and leadership guaranteed throughout.
• ... have the unique experience of watching the man they love grow into a man who loves in ways that were unseen and unknown before he became a father.
• ... have a God-given life with sanctification built-in by the requirements of hard work, selflessness, disappointment, perseverance, patience, grace, self-control, and a continual seeking of wisdom from above.
• ... have the unique opportunity to work hand-in-hand with God Almighty and the husband He has given to mold future adults.

I am not saying this is the only way-- but I am absolutely saying that it is an awesome way, and a God-designed way, for women to yield to their Maker by welcoming with joy and with great sober responsibility the blessing and gracious gift of children into their hearts, lives, and wombs.

God continues to do amazing things in my heart and life and draw me closer to Himself through this role of mother, and I would be a foolish woman indeed if I did not speak highly to you of this beautiful means of sanctification that God has given to women: the disciple-making, world-changing, heart-molding role of mother.

We've probably all heard about people who sanitize their homes to the point that they, and their entire families, are always sick. It's a vicious cycle... they think there are more germs, so they clean more, and are thus giving their kids' bodies less and less opportunities to really do combat with germs, so they get sick more.

Long story short, a completely bleached house does not a good immune system make.

Nor does a life sanitized of suffering lead to good character.

LIFE ON EASY STREET
We live in a time in the world where you can pretty much set yourself up to have quite an easy life. As Americans, we are the most isolated, comfort-driven nation, probably in the history of the world. We can "have it your way" in virtually every area of our lives, big or small.

• Don't like the city you live in? Move!
  
• Don't like your spouse? Get a new one.
  
• Don't like your car? Trade it in!
• Friendship get uncomfortable? "Defriend" them (on Facebook) and avoid all contact.
  
• Don't like the inconvenience of pregnancy? Avoid the hassle through any number of available methods!
• Don't like your boss? Put in your notice and look elsewhere.
• Don't like the service you received? Complain!
  
• Don't like feeling variances in temperature? Set your thermostat so you always have it precisely where you like it.
• Don't get along with someone at your church? Find a new one.

And on and on it could go.

But there's just one problem with this-- as Christians, God has built suffering into our lives for good and godly and GLORIOUS purposes:

• Suffering teaches us to how to endure with hope.
• Suffering with Christ is a witness that we really are children of God.
• However heavy the suffering is, the weight of it can remind us of just how much more glorious the coming days will be.
• Suffering reveals our shared humanity and gives us the opportunity to act as the body of Christ.
• Going through times of suffering teaches us how God comforts us, so that we can comfort others with that same God-given comfort.
• It is a gift to not only be able to believe in Christ, but to suffer for Him.
• Suffering gives us new eyes to see that so many things we value are really as rubbish in comparison with knowing Christ.
• Suffering is part of God's boot camp and trains us to be stronger.
• Times of suffering give us reference points of God's faithfulness to prepare us for future suffering, and remind us to look with joy towards His future eternal faithfulness.
• Suffering drives us to prayer.
• Everyone suffers, whether for foolish things or good things. If it's God's will that you suffer, it's better that it be for doing good.
• Suffering reminds us that we aren't in control, and that we can rejoice in Christ-- the bearer of the Name Above All Names.
• Suffering unites us with hurting Christians around the world and can quicken our minds and hearts to pray for them.

The Word makes it clear that as humans, we will suffer, and even moreso, as Christians, we will suffer. Though it's painful, unpleasant, and often leaves us sore and shocked, we should not run from the suffering God has placed in our lives. I can tell you, from our experiences-- with unexplained sickness, miscarriages, and facing unexpected life changes, which is still nothing compared to the suffering of so many-- that suffering does indeed teach endurance. It is valuable for one's character. It absolutely can deepen faith in Christ. It gives us a oneness with other hurting people. Suffering moves us to prayer. It teaches us more about how to comfort and love others who are hurting. It gives a deeply needed perspective in our highly-controlled, highly-comfortable lives.

Please hear me-- I'm not saying we should seek to suffer. Nor that we should never seek to change a situation if there is pain or discomfort.

But what I am saying is that when your marriage relationship is discouraging, or when there is no fruit on the vine of your life, or when you've been publicly humiliated, or when sickness has taken hold, or when a relationship gets extremely uncomfortable, or when you suffer deep loss, or when there seems to be nothing left, or when it would just be easier to leave and find a new church, or when everything looks bleak, or when you lose your job, or when you have overdrawn your account, CHRIST IS THERE. HE knows suffering. HE bore suffering. He will walk with you and teach you unspeakable things in some of the lowest moments if you'll let Him.

Don't be tempted to sanitize suffering out of your life... pray. Look for what He will do. Be patient. Don't run from it-- endure! Read of His sufferings. Dare to hope. Cling to Christ!