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Today, Crunchy Con ran a piece about simple weddings coming back en vogue, and asked people to share about their wedding if they somehow managed to avoid the extravagant $25,000+ affairs that seem to be the "norm" in the east coast.

Well, we avoided that kind of crazy price by a long shot (I think our total wedding costs may have totaled something like $2000)... so I decided to share about it here. Sadly, I don't have access to most of our wedding pictures (they're back in storage in the States)-- but I've taken some semi-fuzzy digital shots of the prints that we have here. I'll bold our money-saving ideas... I'm sure you can find more elsewhere, but this is how we pulled off an inexpensive wedding that was beautiful, intimate, and that we still look back on with delight.

PRINTED MATERIALS
For invitations, I waited to find a good deal and we chose simple, classic invitations from a company that was offering much less expensive rates. We bought some silver-inked pens and some friends and I took an afternoon to address the envelopes ourselves. We limited the amount of invitations we purchased, and nearly all the invitations were sent to people we really hoped would come-- not every Tom, Dick, and Harry we and our parents ever knew. The invitations were sent in a normal rectangular-shaped envelope, so that it did not require additional stamps.

I went into Microsoft Word & designed the wedding program myself, and had it printed on a custom-sized parchment-style paper at the local printshop. Little details like this could have really added up, but by doing them ourselves, we saved a lot of money in ways that really weren't noticeable, and in the long run, don't matter a hill of beans.

GOING TO THE CHAPEL
We got married in our college chapel... a quaint building with ethereal light drifting in the opague windows. In that chapel, I'd worshipped, poured my heart out before the Lord, repented of sins big and small, shared words of encouragement, and led fellow students in songs of praise. Because we were students, we made a deposit and received it back in full, so the location cost us nothing.

THE DRESS
Like every bride, I scoured the bridal magazines and saw dresses that were gorgeous, but found one in a magazine photo that was right up my alley. Of course, as they always are, it would have cost thousands of dollars. But at a friendly neighborhood David's Bridal, I found an almost identical dress for a few hundred dollars. The bridesmaids dresses were on sale at David's. I've since heard from friends who got even better deals at David's by being more open to anything and hitting the sales racks there.

FLOWERS & DECORATIONS
For all the typically expensive stuff, we found some friends who had hobbies in the areas of our need... we knew a young married guy who had connections in the flower business & knew where to get large amounts of flowers for much less money, so we hired him to do all our flowers-- all white daisies (my favorite). I bought glass fishbowl-like glassware (and probably some ribbon too) at a Hobby Lobby sort of store for a fraction of what it would have cost from a florist, and that friend did all the arranging.

REHEARSAL DINNER & BRIDAL PARTY GIFTS
For the rehearsal dinner, we used a dietetics major who was beginning a catering business, and it was delicious-- she worked with us to custom-make the menu and Doug's mom made a favorite family recipe for the dessert. As gifts for the bridal party, I kept my eye out for good deals and bought matching jewelry for the bridesmaids, and we ordered a set of fun-colored swiss army knives off of eBay for the groomsmen.

PHOTOGRAPHY & VIDEO
One of our friends was a campus photographer with a great eye, so we asked him if he'd be willing to do our wedding. He'd never shot a wedding before, so I made a list for him, in order (to go along with the service order), of the basic photos I wanted. I starred the ones that were most important for me, so that if he had to miss a shot, it wouldn't be one that was super-important for us to have, and he came to the rehearsal dinner to practice and get a feel for where he'd stand, where the light would be, etc. He did formal color pictures for all the normal shots, and informal, more artistic black-and-white shots for all the post-wedding & reception shots. He developed a set of prints and handed the film over to us. He did an excellent job, and for payment, my husband painted a Ruth/Boaz themed painting (the "where you go, I will go" passage was a centerpiece of our wedding vows) and traded him the painting for his photography services.

If I had it to do over again, I probably would not have paid the money for a video of our wedding. However, a close friend that sang in our wedding died suddenly only a few years later, and so I'm thankful that I have the video for that one reason. But the cost of the video (perhaps a hundred dollars? can't remember...), compared to the few times we've ever watched it, probably was not worth it.

THE RECEPTION
There was a place on campus with a wall of windows that looked out over the nearby river... we opted to have our reception there, and again, it cost (if anything) very little.

We found a comparably inexpensive local baker who did a beautiful basketweave buttercream tiered cake, and ordered from her, with fresh daisies and an antique Wilton cake topper I'd bought off eBay as decorations. She was most excited about doing the groom's cake-- a chocolate sheet cake frosted with the image of a Rothko painting on top. My husband, Doug, was a painting major, and Rothko was his favorite artist at that time. :)

For food & decor, we hired a family friend with an on-the-side catering business. She made all the reception foods, worked with the floral guy for decorations, and arranged for all the linens, etc. It was simple, as we had an afternoon wedding, with a good assortment of finger foods, desserts, and drink options. For music, we asked a close friend who played classical guitar (Thanks again, John & Julie!) to play whatever he wanted. It was beautiful accompaniment for a low-key and enjoyable reception.

WRAPPING UP
Not everyone has friends in every area necessary for pulling off a wedding, and I understand that... but really, local colleges and young businesspeople are really great resources for doing a wedding, if you're willing to work with them and help them to succeed. Asking around in your "circle" for different people who may have connections with florists, the desire to do catering jobs, or with special skills (like web design, photography, or musical abilities) can really save a bundle of money. Doing as much yourself as possible will save money, and can be done without stress if you plan well. We cut corners on almost everything, but the wedding was absolutely enjoyable and suited us perfectly.

My hope is that this post will encourage young women who may read it to be freed from feeling the burden of pulling off some "perfect" event, and instead opt for something that will be enjoyable and suit your personality without breaking the bank.

Our best memories from the day are seeing each other, visiting with the people we love, and receiving spoken and prayed blessings from our family & friends. And of course, the most important thing of all was that we marked the beginning our lives together before God and others as man and wife. The rest is just details.

Dr. Michael Lawrence, a Pastor at Capitol Hill along with Mark Dever and others, put out what I think is an EXCELLENT series on Christian sexuality, dating, and marriage, with one topic directed at men, one topic for women, and Q & A sessions for both groups.

Jerod has grouped them all here in one nice & neat blog post for ease of accessibility. Each selection takes roughly one hour, and they are all highly relevant and quite engaging. Please take time to listen to any and all of them that fit your needs or interest.

I want to share one particular clip that gives a taste of the unique wisdom you'll find in the series, and also invite you to share your thoughts about this quote in the comments. After explaining that the act of sex is a part of marriage, he asks:

What about everything else, though? What about everything that falls short of actual sexual intercourse/penetration?

Well, I think typically, we as evangelicals have bought into a very secular idea that views other acts of sexual intimacy on a sliding scale. And we all in our own minds, in our own conscience, try to draw a line somewhere. And we say, "Okay, on this side of the line, that's far enough away from sex that it's okay, and on that side of the line, okay, that's beginning to feel enough like sex that it must not be OK, or it might lead in the wrong direction."

I want to suggest to you that when God created sex, He knew what He was doing. And He created sex and sexual intimacy and all the things that are associated with sexual intimacy, in such a way that they work really well. The married men in the room know what I'm talking about.

What I want to say to you single men is that most of the things, well, probably all the things that you put on this side of the line that are "safe", and you think in your dating/courtship relationship, "I can do this because it's not sex", married men do with their wives and they call it foreplay. And the reason they call it foreplay is because God designed it in such a way that it leads to sexual intercourse.

It's like a one-way street. There are a lot of things that you pass on this one way street called "sexual intimacy", and there are a lot of things you can do on that one way street short of actual intercourse. But God made that street to run in one direction. It's heading somewhere, guys, and you know it's heading somewhere. That's why you like it; that's why it feels good. Because God designed those things to lead you to enjoy an experience of that full intimacy in the context of marriage.

So I want to suggest that at even the pragmatic level, if you don't intend to go where that street's leading you, then don't get on it. ...Sexual intimacy is designed to escalate and proceed to a goal that God designed. Foreplay works; it gets you to sex. If you buy the biblical teaching that sex is designed for marriage only, then don't start playing with the things that lead you there.

He later makes the point that intimacy should not be seen as a sliding scale, where you kind of slide into intimacy--but rather, as a step, where once you get married, you step into a relationship that now includes the sexual intimacy that you have not enjoyed prior to that point.

I wish I had heard such straightforward, commonsense advice when I was a teen & college student. I certainly fell into the trap of thinking of sexual intimacy as divided into two categories: actual sex, and "things other than sex". This kind of transparency about God's design for & God's delight in marital intimacy is so crucial in this day and age when sexual intimacy is treated as just another valid option on the smorsgasborg of enjoyable choices for a date night as a single. Putt-putt? Make out so he'll ask me out again? See the latest movie? Wear something revealing since it's our third date?

Clearly, the current system and view of sexuality (even in Christian circles) isn't producing successful and faithful marriages. Or even, as it often promises, more "free" and happy people. In fact, when we follow the cultural systems presented to us, it leads to bondage, depression, and brokenness. I think this kind of biblical picture of intimacy needs to be painted loudly and often to this oversexualized-in-all-the-wrong-ways world.

So tell me your thoughts. Dating. Intimacy. What's expected. Why you think this advice is right/wrong. How we can communicate these things to our children and offer this kind of biblical view of intimacy as God's gift to married couples.

Let's talk about it!

By now, you all know that I love these show & tell posts. So here we go again. Click on whatever interests you, until you have one less tab open than will crash your computer. ;-)

SINGLENESS, DATING, & MARRIAGE

• But I Want One!-- When a desire for marriage eclipses contentment
• I Think You Want a Wife! A poignant word on the difficulty but brilliancy of surrendering as a woman
  
• Not a Virgin-- When the man/woman of your dreams has been intimate with someone else
  
• "Get Married"-- A new book, to which my single friends reply, "If only it were that easy!" Nevertheless it sounds like it's worth a read.
• How Far is Too Far?-- A great read for setting up boundaries for dating
• When Christian literature goes awry: man-centered theology-- Romance With God?
• IF YOU ARE A MARRIED WOMAN (or one day, would like to be), READ THIS ARTICLE: the 80/20 principle.

CHILDREN & PARENTING

• Organizing your kids' drawers in a kid-friendly way
• Sleeping through the night: it really can happen.
• SLINGS: Make your own. Seriously-- I did.
  
• A book for godly boyhood: I keep seeing this recommended by parents I respect.
  
• A book for godly girlhood: Another book I see recommended a lot.
  
• Christian childhood reading list... great suggestions here.
• Sorrowful parents: here's what happens when the self-esteem generation becomes parents
  
• Reflections on motherhood by a new mom (of an adopted 15-year-old) who happens to be an old friend of mine.
  
• Are Christian parents encouraging cold feet?

HOME

• Housework distribution-- interesting that, no matter how you cut it, women end up doing the housework. Maybe because we are supposed to be "keepers of our homes"?
• Family heirloom or just more STUFF?
• Interested in family history? This website might help you research your genealogy.
• Are you SAVING BIG MONEY by playing the CVS game? (I SO would be doing this, were I still in America.) Here are some explanations of how to save BIG TIME money: CVS 101, Making CVS Work for You, A CVS Primer). Now, get thee to a CVS and do what I can't do: stock up and save big at CVS.
• Wants, Needs, and Debt: an honest word from Catherine
• Are you lacking personal contentment?
• Tasty, meatless meal ideas: A great way to save money in this pinched economy
  
• A great new Heaven-focused album to listen to while you go about your day: Enfield

THIS JUST IN: Men & Women are Different

• Why Guys Dislike Church
• Why are so many women depressed?
  
• Expressing our concern about same-sex marriage
• Embedded in this article is an interesting paragraph about the price of feminism
• "The Pregnant Man": what a lot of hooplah about such a confused person
• Are young people more complementarian than their parents?
• Another article about complementarianism worth a read.
• Why our perspective on manhood & womanhood affects all of life

ISSUES THAT MATTER: Politics and more

• Obama's lack of awareness of his lack of experience
• Birth Control Timeline-- an insightful resource for understanding the rapid expansion of birth control usage in the last century
  
• FOUNDER OF PLANNED PARENTHOOD: Margaret Sanger interviewed-- thoughts on birth control, God, abortion, and more-- a fascinating read
• The Chinese in China-- an interesting way to look at the Chinese population and understand why they careful control minority populations
• TV Titles for news interviewees-- a "behind the scenes" look at political television
  

HERE, THERE, & EVERYWHERE: Interesting Miscellany

• Puritan Prayers-- this link may sound dull, but I'm telling you-- these prayers are RICH, and (though very old) might just inspire you and challenge you in completely new ways.
• Strategies to Keep From Falling: My favorite author, Randy Alcorn, writes about sexual purity.
• Sharpen your brain: MENSA GAMES
• Free IQ Test-- online and fun. I love this kind of stuff.
• WHY AMERICA IS RICH, and other musings about world evangelism.
  
• Top 20 Jobs-- the growth and disappearing of jobs. Good stuff to know, whether you're a homeschool mom or a young person, or in any way rely on jobs for any reason. Hmmm....
• HEAVEN ON EARTH: Really. (And in my head Belinda Carlisle is singing, "Ooh, baby, do you know what that's worth?")
  

GOOD FOR A SMILE

• Lamentations of the Father
• The Happy Round-the-World Dancer- if you haven't seen this, you've gotta watch it. With your kids.
• Song of Solomon Illustrated (this is a family friendly link-- no worries!)

As always, happy reading!!!

***Just wanted to share some exciting (for me) news: my letter to Maranatha has been published at the Gender Blog put out by the Council for Biblical Manhood & Womanhood. (This feels like silly self-promotion, but I'm so thrilled and feel so honored and I wanted to share it with all of you!) ***

Get ready for some fun links-- these should give you lots of interesting reading, so here we go!

INTERESTING VIDEOS:

• Mt. Sinai, Moses & the Exodus: This video is absolutely incredible; it's in 10 parts and takes about an hour and a half to complete. Full of interesting, on-the-ground archaeological and geographical research into the biblical account of the exodus based on the biblical text, the evidence unfolds before your very eyes. Ethan & I had so much fun watching this video after having read through the exodus account over the last few weeks in school.
  
• Butterfly Emerging from Chrysalis: I was explaining this to the boys a couple weeks ago and realized that there was probably a video on the internet that would show the whole thing. Bada-bing, bada-boom- I found this... a time-lapsed video that shows it in high-speed (and then you can click to watch the slow, real-time version). The internet has its drawbacks, but stuff like this is so incredible!
• Dinosaurs in computer animation: Based on bone structure and placement, animal "norms" and other research, Discovery channel put out these interesting videos that show what dinosaurs may have looked like in their original environment. Interesting stuff.

ABORTIONS, BIRTH CONTROL, AND BABIES:

• Even feminists are saying it: Wanna have a baby? Now's the time.
• John Piper has put out a new statement about the biblicality of birth control.
• Royal college warning about abortion: it can lead to mental illness
• Baby supposed to only live a few hours is perfectly healthy: makes you wonder how often this has happened before, when parents have opted to abort, doesn't it?!?
• The abortion industry's #1 provider-- Planned Parenthood: your tax dollars at work.
• Natural labor induction techniques: the most complete list I found, FYI.
• Post-partum dressing tips: great and feminine ideas from Emma about hiding the post-baby "pooch"
  

RELATIONSHIPS:

• I love you, but you love meat: not only an interesting commentary on veganism, but also an interesting commentary for all of us to consider about how personal idiosyncracies or preferences might keep otherwise compatible men & women from marrying and starting a family together.
• 83 Years of Marriage: what a neat story! Maybe we'll make it to 83 years-- there's at least a chance- we were married at 21! :)
• Holding Out: Boundless wrote a great article about young Christian singles who seem to be waiting for greener pastures... I'd love to hear from you guys on this-- do you think this is an accurate assessment of how things are going among Christian singles/college students?
• Either Serve God Wholeheartedly OR Get Married?
• An honest commentary about the "appeal" of abstinence education as it's been done by churches and Christian families in recent decades

THOUGHTS ON FAITH:

• 6 Aspects of Humility: Desiring God blog reminds us of what it means to be humble
• Brother Yun's Thoughts on the Western Church: See America's churches through the eyes of a Chinese house church pastor
• Obeying the Word of God: Terry reminds us to focus on obeying the basics of Scripture.
• The Unwasted Life: Tamara writes about intentional living-- living for God's glory-- living in light of eternity... good stuff.
  

WOMANHOOD:

• Girls: Rod Dreher shares his thoughts about the natural differences between the sexes.
• Is a Woman Just an Egg-Factory? Around the world, this is happening more and more.
• Bratz at the Beach: Crunchy Con shares some great thoughts about how the culture is affecting teenage and college-aged girls and their aims & dreams. It's disappointing and insightful all at once.
• Buying Clothes: the frustration of being a normal woman in a sex-driven, cleavage-baring, nothing-off-limits world-- do you ever find yourself wondering, "where can I get some normal clothes???"
  

ON POLITICS:

• An Open Letter to the Religious Right: WOW. I found myself nodding along to so much of this... especially-- ESPECIALLY-- the part about Ann Coulter.
• Mike Huckabee's take on the Obama/pastor/race issue
• Why Mike Huckabee's candidacy mattered
• Missing Mike Huckabee already
  

MISCELLANEOUS USEFUL or INTERESTING LINKS:

• Questions You Should Never Ask ANYONE- my friend Bethany compiled a great list of rude questions people ask when they oughtta just bite their tongue (I've been asked some of these!)!
  
• Stages of Responsibility: I found this to be helpful for ideas and to evaluate the reasonableness of asking kids to do various things around the house. It's a listing of chores and home responsibilities based on children's ages and skill levels
• On My Sewing Machine: Shannon might just inspire you to pull out the fabric & thread!
• Depressed in the Lap of Luxury: Why "having it all" does NOT equal happiness
  
• "How I Feed My Family of EIGHT on $300 a month"-- need grocery-savings tips? I think this woman's series of articles is a great place to start!
• Battling Sexual Sin
• Why I Don't Read Your Blog - I found myself nodding to a lot of these-- I've had to cut back on my blog reading anyhow (it's just overwhelming, and I easily fall into what Joe Carter described himself as-- a complete media junkie), but this list describes some of the reasons why I choose not to read certain blogs (ETA: Additionally, I found this list helpful in identifying problem areas that I need to avoid when blogging.)
  
• Jonah: Too Horrifying for Kids? - an honest appraisal of the dumbing down and p.c.-ing of Bible stories
• Designed for Sex: an incredibly good article about what sex is for and what we lose when we lose sight of God's plan for intimacy
  

GOOD FOR A LAUGH:

• This is something I've always been bothered by: the phrase "Hedge of Protection"-- and Tim Hawkins' comments about it cracked me up!