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It all began with the sharing of some wonderful news for our family!

Then came....
The Accusations!
The Judgments!
The Hateful and hurtful comments!
The criticism of our family, our Faith, our values and our family size!
Our supposed lack of contentedness with where we are now!
The assertions based on....well....... we can't work it out really.

Where does it come from?
Why would they act that way?

They know so little about us. They know nothing of the years we have been gone from anything resembling a close relationship that may have been a product of the past.
They know nothing of our own hardships that we have endured over the last years.
The traumas we have suffered, the financial struggles, the choices we have made when we had none to choose from, the separations and how that has affected each one of us, the heartbreak of medical problems.
They know nothing of these events. They have chosen time and again to not be part of our lives, they know not how these situations have affected us...... and yet they judge!

They judge our lives based on their own perceptions of us, based  on their own responses to how they think we should live our lives, rather than through the eyes of love, rather than through the eyes of Jesus who truly does  know our thoughts our motives and our hearts.

In fact it all brings back to mind the time we shared other good news and were summarily treated with spite, vindictiveness and malice.
Something I have a hard time understanding. The level of commitment to such negative feelings is beyond my power of comprehension.

And it leads me to wonder how I/we react when we see people with whom we know even just by sight in our own lives, let alone on a more personal or intimate relationship.
What I mean is - when I see that lady at the shop who never seems to smile, that man at church who always has a kind word or action for others.
Is what I see an indication of their lives and how good or bad it is? And does this influence how I think of them and, yes, even the way I treat them.
Do I judge based on my own assertions of what I imagine their life must be like simply from my very slight observations of them and they way they look and act?
Do I dare to presume I know their troubles or good times and then think I am justified in my treatment of them in a certain way?
Do I treat them as I would want to be treated?

Or is it that some people will always see the good in others, will always try to help, will quickly ask forgiveness for a wrong committed and look for an opportunity to 'go the extra mile' for another in need.
While others will ALWAYS see the reasons why it is unfair that someone else has that house, that opportunity, that relationship or any other thing that their own life is lacking.

Because frankly we only ever see part of the story. Even with very close friends or family they can not know all the ins and outs that go on in our lives and more importantly in our HEARTS.

You see God has a plan for each one of us and he gives us challenges that are for each one of us alone.
How dare we suggest that just because we only see the outward appearance of a seemingly content and gracious person that obviously they have not had to deal with any problems in their lives.

HOW WRONG YOU ARE!

What might be a major struggle for them may be only a slight discomfort to you!
What may be a daily battle with an 'opportunity' does not even come into your horizon!
The things we see are not everything. What we behold as we look at someone is but a section of who each person fully is and but a fraction of their complete  lives.

To judge others by what we see of their lives, and the things we THINK we see and THINK we know is entirely wrong.
You can never understand all the emotional, physical and mental stress that others have been through - unless you have been through the exact same thing with the exact same set of circumstances they have.
Even if they lay it all out on the table, visible for all to see, you can not see or feel the intensity of the internal struggles or emotions that go along with a life and a persons particular circumstances.

However, hopefully we can all relate a little to an other's plight so we can be there to support, encourage, uplift and pray with those we have been blessed to know in these circumstances.
For it is a blessing God has opened up to us, if we find ourselves in this circumstance. An opportunity to give of ourselves that will ultimately be a blessing to others BUT to us as well - But only if you grasp the opportunity to be that someone.

So next time you see someone who seems to have it all together or even someone who looks like they do need a hand, why not look at them through the eyes of Love and ask......
What would Jesus Do?

Blessings to you and your homes,
 

A morning routine is something I think is vital in our home!
We actually have a few parts of a morning routine but the one I think is the most important is our Breakfast  morning routine.
We have over the years not been consistent with our breakfast routine BUT when we are the benefits are evident in the way our days proceed are well worth the effort.
Sadly there have been times when we have not participated in this morning routine and I feel when we don't we have a  lack of family closeness. The same thing if we miss our  family time of an evening routine too.

The main part of this is to actually sit down to breakfast together as a family or if Daddy is already at work with Mummy and the children.
I must admit this was a lot easier when we were not grain free as the staple breakfast menu was usually cooked porridge withe warm drinks even in the summer! If we did not have porridge we had boxed cereal.

This actually made the process easier as we could have it all ready together and sit together.

However we still mostly try to do this, even as we are trying to cook a hot breakfast or have smoothies.
One of the essentials in having a clean start with this routine is to set the table the night before- complete with the books.
This allows for a quicker start without scrabbling for plates, mugs and other bits n pieces for breakfast.

As we are almost at the end of the meal that is when we start THE BOOKS!

The books you ask? Oh yes this is one of the most important parts of the routine.

At this point I start to read from the books~
*The first being from one of our Children's Bible Story books. Our current one is My Big Book of Catholic Bible Stories.
*Next I read about the Saint of the Day from The Catholic Parent Book of Feasts or if no saint is in this book from The One Year Book  of Saints
*Our Next book is The Book of Virtues or The Moral Compass mostly or I have used other books in the past both Catholic based or uplifting Christian
* We also use Our 24 Family Ways, (although ours is a first edition and has a flip top stand to place on the table) as a guide for family behaviour and expectations.
* After this one of the children will pray for our day, bringing family as well as private concerns and petitions to The Lord, then we say our Grace after Meals and go off to the next part of our day......Chores.

This I believe truly sets the tone for our day together as a family!

Blessings to you and your homes,
 

Some time ago I read an article about the distraction that little children are at Mass to others if they make a noise or cause others to lose concentration and therefore should be taken to the 'cry room' or that even parents should attend two different Mass' so as not to have children interfere with the reverence and quiet of others reflections during Holy Mass......
As this line of thinking is abhorrent me I felt I needed to respond to it.
Below is what I wrote with some more additions as I have had more time to think about this issue.

As a mother of 12 children from young adult to under 1 I find the whole debate about children at Mass irritating.
Children belong with parents and parents belong at Mass together, not separately but as a family. I have on only a handful of occasions taken one of our children out during Mass.
I refuse to take them out if our babies babble, or chat or smile at the granny behind us.
 If the baby starts to cry I will breast feed that baby for comfort.
If the baby still won't settle I pass the child to my husband or to an older sibling. If the baby still does not settle I will walk to the side of the church, this is usually enough of a distraction and then I go back to our pew.

I rarely go outside and we have never attended a Church that had a cry room. If we had I would be a contentious objector ,because I believe we are at Mass, all of us together.
Just for your information I also object to children's liturgy as well for the same reason.
The family attends Mass together. It is important and as such receives due reverence.
We have always attended Mass in our Church clothes too. These are special and dressy and once again shows this is not an everyday event, this is special . We always sit in the front pew (or two) so the children can see what is happening. I believe this gives them a focus.

As for the controversial view of taking snacks and drinks,we never take food or drink as it is a distraction to everyone, children and parents alike. I also maintain that Mass is only 1 hour long, I don't think little ones will starve during this time, so it is purely a distraction tactic which I don't think is a long term good idea.
Having said that we do allow a special teddy if the child is attached or a small hand held 'friend' or a car for our boys. Sometimes we have allowed the little St Joseph books, but only one as this can lead to simply flicking from one book to another and thus can lead to unwanted 'wiggling'

Our middle boys are altar boys and we have had many comments on how their reverence helps the person concerned stay focused.
You may wonder where did this come from- them understanding that Mass is special, was it from being inside the church at Mass or from being able to go outside (or cry room) as soon as they made a noise. Children are very smart they will work that out pretty soon that if they make a noise  and noise is not appreciated that  you get to leave and go somewhere more fun.

Our children are I think pretty good at church, our younger ones are mostly too, and yes we have a few 'special needs' children, which makes it a challenge.
What is our protocol for dealing with ' the wiggles?'  Our focus has been to cuddle and separate any child or children who need a little extra care during Mass. Or I might point out what the priest is doing or point to the  statues or Mary and Jesus, something to bring their little minds  back to the reason we are here.

Finally, I believe because we had decided that we would have our children with us during church that we refused to let any of those stares or comments stop us from keeping our children with us during this most important time.

Of course  our children have learnt appropriate behaviour as they went along. We get frequent comments on our children's behaviour BUT that has taken work and has not been achieved over night.
In fact I am sure our younger ones emulate the older children's behaviour, who were the ones we actually had to train. This does not mean they are ALWAYS perfect. They do have off days as do we and so then we just go back to the basics that we have held on to all these years.

One thing we have never done is to let the children run around the church. They stay within the pew.
I remember a few parishes where we were given advice as younger parents about 'letting our children run around the church so they feel comfortable here'.
For us it never seemed the right choice, we are not at at playground, we are not at a social event this is church and it requires a different set of rules and standards.
Higher standards than we would for everyday events for this is not an everyday event ( well it can be but you know what I mean) it is special and we are honoured to be able to participate and should be thankful for the opportunity and act appropriately.

So apart from the special cuddle toy we don't allow them play things, colouring books etc, either - this is not entertainment this is Mass. Of course we have had slightly older children get to the stage that says 'this is boring' and we tell them 'this is special and you are not here to be entertained.'
Do they get it? Well I think so, they certainly 'get' the fact that this is our standard and we are not negotiating.
I once knew a family that allowed their daughter to take her knitting to church because she was bored!
What does this tell the child? That it isn't important and you can just be here without 'being here at all.'
Not really what I think attending mass is all about.
For heavens sake it is such a small amount of time really.
Do remember though that little children don't always have a clear idea of time and so can't work out how much longer mass will take, our 6 year old still asks how many more songs before we finish. This gives him a focus and something to work too, but he knows the routine and respects it too.

I also compare this time and the expectations to what you would expect your child to do at school. Would you allow your child to run around and eat and drink while a teacher was trying to teach them?
No you would expect them to pay attention for that amount of time!
'So why not expect the same amount of attention for the most important part of our child's education - their faith.

So I would just say to any new parents DO NOT be intimidated by those who would ask you to leave. Stand up for you and your child's rights. Attend as a FAMILY. None of this going to separate Mass' to keep the little ones under control, so others don't get distracted.
Be gentle but firm in your response to children and babies behaviour but remember they are children and not perfect, oops neither are we.
However, give your children the gift of Mass as a special event in their lives that we attend as a family because God gave us families to learn and grow in and that is our responsibility as Godly parents.

As an aside- from personal experience I would like to say that I am more distracted by those teens and adults (who actually come) who are dressed immodestly and those who show little respect in the way they take Communion.
Not to mention all the people who chat before and after mass.
We have also been very distracted after confession as we are praying, that people show so little respect for those preparing for Mass and chat so liberally and loudly.
Should not this be a bigger distraction than children who are still learning the importance and specialness of attending Mass, with their parents as guides and role models.

Patience, humbleness and gentleness is what is needed for our children as they come to know and love the beauty of this Sacrament.

And for all those who pass judgement on families with young children at Mass I would like to ask them 'where are their own children and grandchildren?'
Because they are not at Mass either. Perhaps they thought they would be better off not coming because they never understood the significance of Mass and felt as if they were a burden or not worthy of teaching the significance of  proper behaviour and so just shunted off to the cry-room or outside where they would not bother those more holy then they.

Please welcome the little children as Jesus would. Help them and train them with love, respect, patience  and gentleness so they too can know the wonder of Holy Mass.


Blessings to you and your homes,
  

 Quite a number of years ago,in fact when Eden was a baby, she was given a cross stitch with this verse on it~


Since this the younger children have also received a handmade cross stitch by the same dear friend, each with a beautiful picture cross stitched as well.

I think it is a beautiful verse and one to remember as a mummy as well.

Blessings to you and your homes,

During the week we had cause to need to move firewood from one storage area within the house to  a different fireplace. As everyone else was involved in another task I asked Moran, Myffwyn and Corbyn to take some to the new area. As this was the beginning of the day I asked the girls to put on their aprons to keep their clothes relatively clean. Arwen wanted hers on even though she was still in her pajamas.

Now I know that little children want to be involved in every aspect of home life. They want to do significant jobs, to be important within the structure of the family and yet I am still amazed each time the youngest, in this case Arwen, is so keen to be involved in the activity.
This is not a new aspect for Arwen and I guess I focus more on her as she is our littlest able bodied person. Arwen is not required to do any particular chores within our family. However she is ALWAYS wanting to help and this little wood moving episode reminded me of a similar one last year when she was only one.
As wood chopping and gathering tends to be a very male orientated chore and has been in our home our boys are generally the ones who are assigned to it. They chainsaw, chop, stack and deliver. This is usually Saxon's very special job now with the older boys doing other things, one he really loves, well not exactly.

However our older girls ~ Autumn, Eden and Vellvin are all capable of doing the wood (except for the chainsawing) and have done on quite a few occasions. In fact they actually really like it. And I imagine them as Milly from Seven Brides for Seven Brothers at the beginning of the movie.
I cannot see anything that our girls would not be able to handle in a more pioneer type setting and while  we do encourage the traditional roles of male and female and the type of work that they do we by no means not accept the excuse that because of gender the person cannot do the work.

Our boys are part of our household routine and have been from a young age. They can clean and cook (some more ably than others) and do basic sewing. Rogan even can do more accomplished sewing and craft, but this is a choice of his own.

We do tend to do lots of the family chores together and even have a buddy system at times of older and younger child, regardless of gender. There is no reason in my estimation for a young man to stand around loafing in the kitchen and watching his sisters, mother, or any female wash up and clean up the mess simply because it is supposedly 'womens work'. This does not cut the mustard with me and I will never accept the excuse "I don't know how to do it from anyone- this is answered with a quick 'well now is the perfect opportunity to learn' or the other favourite excuse for non participation in a job is 'I don't know how to do it' the come back to this one is 'Well now you have a chance to learn how to.......'
Also realising that neither the work a man is generally capable of and the work a women generally has to do does not make one more important or dominant in the relationship or
The role of men and women is different. We have different 'hard-wiring.' We have different 'heart-wiring' that gives the women a different perspective on situations than men.

We have always encouraged our young boys to be young gentlemen. Many is the time I asked our older boys to carry out the washing to the line for me, not because I was unable to carry the load but to allow them the opportunity to learn the value of being a strong man, a provider and nurturer. Opening and closing doors and walking on the curb side of the street are a few of the basics we have taught our boys. This I think helps them to relish the role of strong worker and provider that young men need to have today in society. This helps them to realise that a man is a servant to those he loves.....as Christ was a servant to his followers.

Our girls are encouraged to be feminine in all things, which does not necessarily require frills and lace, it is a femininity of the heart. Our girls can look after themselves quite well but they allow the men and boys in their lives to nurture them as is their role. They have great homemaking skills but they can do many of the outdoor work typically done by the males in our home. Our girls have done their share of building work when we were building, not because they felt the need to prove themselves equal to the men folk, BUT because we  are family and we all chip in where needed to get the job done.
The heart issue of gender roles is the important aspect to concentrate on.
Men should love, nurture,  protect and provide for the women, and girls in their lives. However they should know how to provide for themselves if this situation should occur for them ever.
Women and girls need to nurture the men and children in their lives and realistically this usually happens within the home environment for which they need to be prepared too.

In our society we need to encourage our children in the roles and responsibilities that they will be needing as they grow to maturity and give them the skills to help them achieve this. They will receive little encouragement from mainstream society on this one. So it is up to us to really continually uplift and uphold these ideals ourselves.

I think that it is vitally important to state for the record that although God created men and women different and with different roles to fulfill.......God created them equal in value and importance. However it also needs to be said that  both men and women have a unique and important  role that when worked together is the backbone of the family, and the family is the backbone of our society.

So lets embrace our roles as men and women, rejoice in the differences and encourage one another in the strengths so we can all do to the best of our ability the work we have been blessed to do.

Blessings to you and your homes,

The Desires of my Heart:

They seem so simple when I put them to paper.
They have been my desires for years past and I pray for many years to come.

I am sure they are the desires of many other women of my acquaintance, those of a kindred spirit kind.

To love and serve my God, to share my faith with others that they may love and serve God.
To love and treasure my husband, the one God intended for me, whom I have had the pleasure of being married to for over 24 years.
To love and cherish each one of the special blessings, our children, that God has given us to raise for His service and glory.
To create within our home a place of beauty and peace,  a sanctuary for all who enter within, not just our family, but for any whom we are gifted by their presence.
Within our home to educate our children - not just academically for their future but for their eternal futures. Teaching the gifts of hospitality and care as mirrored by my own life.
To share our lives in a spirit of love and harmony with one another that we can help one another to grow and be up lifted
To develop and use the gifts that God has given each one of us and to encourage and use these gifts for pleasure and for service of others.

And yet as much as I treasure these desires, knowing they are placed upon my heart by a loving Father, I know I do not live up to them daily.

I know also that it is the daily living of these that is so important, and once again it is the daily living of these desires in which I fail.

I become distracted by my own 'temporary desires' that do not conform with my heart desires and I focus on these instead of what I know gives me more lasting joy and reward.

These temporary desires come and go depending on how much I listen to my 'heart desires' and I know I need to give them more focus now, at this moment, and not be distracted.

I pray that I have the humility to pray, the wisdom to listen for answers and the courage to follow and thus achieving The  Desires of My Heart.

Blessings to you and your homes,